Thoughts from Baghdad

Just Saying Hello

2011-11-18T07:14:00.000-05:00

to the world. I have nothing to say on Iraq/Iraqi situation anymore. But this blog holds a special place in my heart. I should probably find out what I can do to either bring this blog offline and preserve it's contents, or keep it up, but keep it from going into dormant stage by blogger.com. Still hoping to sit down and write the story of 'one street in baghdad' but the memories are becoming far off.

October 2nd

2010-10-12T22:29:00.000-05:00

My father passed away ten days ago. The pain and hurt when he was passing his last days in the hospital, and the sadness and emptiness keep me from expressing more. But we miss him more and more every day. We are realizing that death is a real test, and that things don't get easier that quickly. I'm not sure when they will, but I think about him every day, every moment, regretting, wishing, wanting.

My only solace is that he was a good man, and that I hope Allah gathers me with him in the best place in the Hereafter.

Why Do We Only Post Bad News?

2010-09-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time... My hubby has left his permanent job in Baghdad but frequently travels back for work. He's there today and called me to ask about my sick father who I'm spending time with at the hospital. I was telling him all about my news and chiding him for not calling me ten times a day to ask about my father. And then he told me, "You didn't ask me about my news."

I felt a tiny bit bad and asked him about his news. His former driver, Ali, who still helps him out on occasion, went out last night to take a sick neighbor's child to the hospital. On his way back (late at night) and near a Badr check point, a car with flashing lights pulled up next to him and shot him in the face. The police at the check point started chasing the car and shooting at it, and were able to keep its inhabitants from letting loose any other shots.

Ali, father of two little kids, is in stable condition in the hospital. Allah yishfeeh. I have no idea as to the extent of the gun shot damage. I know this guy. He drove me to the few prenatal visits I had when I was in Baghdad, pregnant with my second daughter. I hope him a full recovery with no side effects.

Projected Parliament Seats for 2010 Iraqi Elections

2010-03-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

My hubby sat down and did a few calculations today for the election results. Following are the projected number of seats each party will be getting in Parliament:

State of Law (Maliki): 88 Seats
Allawi: 86 Seats
Iraqi National Alliance (ISCI and Sadrists): 65 Seats
Kurds: 40 Seats
Tawafuq: 8 Seats
Bolani: 5 Seats
KIU (Kurd. Islamic Union): 5 Seats
Goran: 10 Seats
Kurds Jama Islamiah: 3 Seats

Three Cups of Tea

2010-03-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

Just finished reading Three Cups of Tea, a book about Greg Mortenson's work. Inspiring. Inspirational. Amazing. A man who had a mission deeply defined in his heart, gave up all his needs in life, including a home at one point in time, and sleep, to make this desire a reality. I hope I can learn from him. Definitely more thoughts to come on it.

My hats off to Greg Mortenson, Jean Hoerci, Haji Ali and all the real people who amazed me, inspired me and gave me a good feeling about humanity. May Allah bless them and give them peace in their hearts.

Hajj 2009

2010-01-07T14:12:00.005-05:00

I had the ultimate pleasure and blessing of performing Hajj this year. It's a journey that will live in my heart forever.

I was lucky enough to take these shots. Nothing can be as grand as seeing three million people from every village, city, country of the world. From every economic, social, ethnic situation. All coming together seeking Him.

May it be repeated again, and accepted by Him.

My pics on Flickr.

Remembering Life

2009-10-27T14:25:00.002-05:00

One of the events that was a part of my life before I started this blog was a part-time job I had as an English tutor in the commercial section of the American embassy in Baghdad (late 2004). That was an interesting experience in itself, with me heading to work every day not telling my relatives where I really worked, or what I really did; and me heading out of the Green Zone every day waiting for a car to notice me and hunt me down. I came from America, and I didn't feel like I was being a traitor doing this work. And the one cousin whom I felt close enough to to tell about this job position bashed me left and right for taking on this job. We did come to a conclusion at the end that we come from different cultures and have different feelings on all things America.

One of my Iraqi students was a young man named Firas. He had switched over to this job from another job for which he had been targeted and almost assassinated by gunmen outside his home. Only by the grace of God was he able to escape with a bullet shot to his (neck? shoulder?). He survived, but knew it was an off-chance. And he was thankful.

I left Baghdad and the tutoring job, with Firas being engaged and considering applying for his TOEFLs to study abroad. I later found out that he made it to the Sorbonne for his PhD (don't know in what field). But I also found out that his family received a special visa to travel to the States. And his mom found her death, not in bloody Baghdad but in bloody NY (see earlier post).

I posted about this tragic story earlier, but my near , near call with death in a recent car accident reminded me of Firas's story. It reminds me that death will come to you only where it is proscribed upon you, and only at the time it is prescribed for you. I hope i'm brave at that time, and ready for it. It also reminded me of the life of the great general in Islamic history, Khalid ibn al Walid, who died on his death bed with a thousand wounds, but none a mortal wound; he died a regular man's death. Fight a thousand battles, face a thousand enemies, take a thousand courageous stands, life and death will come to you only when it is time.

Headlights

2009-10-27T14:24:00.000-05:00

I like to record serious events in my life that had an impact on me, even for a few seconds, just to be a constant, written reminder of how exactly I was feeling when it first happened-so I will not forget. Because humans are forgetful, even when death stares them in the face, and they see it, and it strips them of all their power; once it's passed, they forget.

Yesterday was the strongest near- death experience I've had; not the first one, but the scariest, the one that most left me weak to my bones, strained in my neck, unable to move.

I was visiting a friend in Germantown MD to console her on her mother in law's loss. Driving back home with two of my sisters, we found ourselves lost for a bit and following a longer route home. We were laughing and talking and having a good time togeher. At Democracy Blvd, off of 270 South, I noticed that the dark highway was unusually empty, and I was relieved. I hate driving at night on busy, unfamiliar roads, with night lights blinding me, and me not knowing if I'm changing lanes into an empty lane or whether the car is actually two lanes over.

Past that Democracy Blvd exit, I was stuck behind a slower moving truck, perhaps going at 50 mph. I finally broke free and switched over to the left lane, pressing on the gas and keeping a bit of a distance from the truck on my right, and inching a bit closer to the concrete highway median to my left. I noticed a car behind me, and some lights in front of me. Smiling, my mind made me understand that these lights were from the cars driving down the other side of the highway. It was dark, but there were two white headlights lighting my road.

And then my mind realized that my sister Maryam was moaning, 'Fatima, watch out.'

It clicked.

Those two headlights were heading straight down the dark highway towards me. I was going 70, it was going fast, steady, straight down that highway. I had just passed the truck to my right, but I had no other choice. I violently pulled my steering wheel to the right, then quickly back to the left to keep out of the truck's direct path. I had no idea what was happening around me, but my SUV swerved right and left and right and left till we had passed danger.

I was spent. I could not believe what had just happened. The truck behind me slowed down to 10 mph, the car behind me too. That's all i saw in the rearview mirror. I was shaken. I couldn't press the gas, i couldn't keep my hands steady. Slowly, those two cars overtook me and long passed me. But I stayed at my 30 mph on the highway speed. My voice shook as I talked to my sisters. We couldn't believe what had just happenend. We hashed and rehashed what had just happened. I tried to steady my shaking voice; I thought I was the only one so scared. Had to toughen up.

We called 911 and they switched us over to the police dispatch. He informed us that they had gotten 3 other calls on the same car. Good. But they hadn't yet done anything to stop him. What was he? How the hell did he get on the closed highway? What was he trying to do? Suicide? An automotive version of Russian roulette? Gang or fraternity initiation? Probably not drunk. He was heading straight down that lane. No swerving left or right. Steady.

By the time I got home to my parents, I thanked God that it wasn't three deaths at once. All I could think of was that a head on collision like that would have flipped my car far, far ahead and killed us all, starting with my kid sister in the back seat with no seat belt. All I could think of was, Allah Lateefun bi'ibadih. He saved me from a violent, ugly death. And He truly saved me. He guarded me from in front of me, from the right of me, from the left of me, from behind me. I swerved from that car's way, but I swerved right into another vehicle's path. I was going for the lesser of the two evils, for a seriously scratched up car, but God had better plans. He protected me, He gave me another chance to thank Him, to realize His Mercy, His Gentleness, His power.

alhamduilllah rabbil 3alameen.

I Love...

2009-07-15T23:48:00.001-05:00

I love...
Just wanted to announce that to the world before I sign out for the night.
Peace be with you always.

Happiness

2009-06-09T08:52:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was one of our happier moments in the Iraq-USA saga. I blogged about my cousin in law Bilal's murder more than two years ago, and subsequently about his brother A's forced migration out of the country. He's been in the US for two years now, seeking and receiving political asylum. And yesterday, for the first time in two long years, he was reunited with his young family, his wife and 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son who he left as a newborn.

It was wonderful to see them together again, and reminded me of what a tough life this young woman had gone through in the short 22 years of her life. Being a refugee is never an easy thing, even when its to the 'greatest country on earth.' I pray her and her family adjust themselves to this new life, this new language, these new customs and the never ending homesickness for one's family and country.

Life Happens Wherever We Are

2009-06-09T08:40:00.004-05:00

Life happens wherever a person lives, at any time, and in all circumstances.

I think I have to write more about my tutoring work when I lived in Baghdad, but till then, here's another sad story i recently learned about the second of my four students (2 out of 4!).

F was my youngest student, a cool Iraqi youth in his mid-twenties who'd learned English during his travels with his family. He had just gotten engaged when I knew him, and had just gone through a tough, tough bit in life, where he'd faced attempted execution by the forces to be and escaped alive with a bullet wound through the neck. While driving to work, he found his car being followed by men who blocked him off, drove up to him and shot at him. He maintained his composure and drove away from his assailants, and alhamdulillah, survived, intact.

I got to know him after this bit in his life, where he was forced to switch jobs b/c of the situation. He was quiet, talked to me about what had happened on the passing. Perhaps he thought I already knew about it, perhaps he thought the entire world must've known what happened to him that day. I was shocked out of my mind, he never even told me where the bullet wound had been, but I learned that later, from my husband, just a few weeks ago when I found out the rest of F's story.

While I was tutoring Firas, he had been interested in taking the TOEFL's and applying for graduate studies elsewhere. That's when I left him.

Four years later, my husband met one of his old colleagues who told him the story of the kid who escaped death in Baghdad, made it to the Sorbonne for his PhD studies and was able to get his family out of Baghdad and into the US on a special visa.

And that's where the rest of the sadness continues. F's mom left her homeland with all its dangers along with the rest of F's family, only to face her own violent death in good ole' New York. Apparently she was at a clinic when a crazy gunman walked in and started shooting. She was one of the casualties. Allah yirhamha and may He give patience to poor F and his mourning family. She came here looking for a better life, but couldn't escape one of America's saddest realities, unexplainable violence.

Finding Out Two Years Later

2009-04-24T23:35:00.002-05:00

Its been forever, and I hate coming on just to post sadness, but I guess grief is what moves us.

When I lived in Baghdad, I worked for a few months as an English language tutor for Iraqis who worked in the American embassy. (My work there and my Iraqi families reactions is a whole other post).

One of my four students was a big man named Dhahir. He was my most formal student, a man with much promise. He loved speaking English in eloquent, flairy ways, and I tried to get him to be more down to earth, more casual. But this was his way. And he was an ambitious man.

After I left my job, my husband was looking to hire Iraqis with a strong background in what Dhahir was good at. I told him about the opportunity and he went to interview at my husband's office. We exchanged emails a few times afterwards and on occasions, and he was always his friendly self.

A few years ago, I emailed him and did not hear back from him. I blamed it on being out of touch and not having his new email address.

And then Yahoo mail changed and added its in-mail chat feature. And I found Warkaa, one of my old students and chatted with her. Dhahir had been killed two years ago. I couldn't believe it. That's why my emails had gone unanswered. Ahhhh, the agony his young wife and daughter must still be going through.
Warkaa told me he had quit his job with them and gone on to form his own business, contracting with the Americans. In the year 2007, the same year Bilal was killed, and perhaps Baghdad's worst year, Dhahir was killed by similiar evil hands. Allah yirhamak ya Dhahir. Perhaps I found out two years later so that you could have a new set of people praying for you after others may have forgotten.
I still can't believe I'm writing about one of my own student's deaths. O Baghdad, may your tears and blood be stilled.

CBS 60 Minutes Piece on Palestine/Israel

2009-01-29T10:45:00.002-05:00

This is the most amazing piece I have seen on a mainstream American media about the reality of the situation in Palestine/Israel. It's definitely a must-see.

Please watch it today.

Elections are Close

2009-01-28T22:41:00.002-05:00

And the pathetic intimidation begins. Iraq is getting ready for provincial elections, and there is still a small group out there that thinks they can keep people from joining in the government based on some notion that its a false government, a toy of the occupation.
A friend of ours is running for a the Baghdad provincial council (is that what it's called?) for the IIP (sunni Islamic Iraqi Party). She's a female in her fifties, with grown children. Today, a car drove by her house and shot at the only female in sight, the intended assassinee's sister in law. She was killed in this cowardly act of violence against a woman, for no reason but that she was thought to be running for a government seat.
These crazies need to wake up and stop their foolish game of scare tactics, death and fear mongering. They need to realize that God is not on their side, He is not on the side of violence, of death, of killing, of orphaning, of widowing, of foolishness.

My View of the Inauguration

2009-01-27T00:02:00.005-05:00

I was really lucky to make it to Obama's inauguration on the national mall, though I didn't get to see him in person. The experience of being out there with at least 1 million fellow human beings was in itself a grand event. Celebrating Obama's inauguration was another. I tried to capture some of the excitement of the day with my camera, tried to capture some of the feeling of multitudes of humans out there at one time, in one place.

More on what I thought of the inauguration to follow in another post, inshaAllah.

I was standing near the Monument, near a hill, and I think this picture shows the crowds the best.

Emotions.

I got to watch the inauguration on a large screen jumbo-tron, out in freezing weather, but it was worth it. This was right after "President-Elect" became "President" Obama. The crowd went wild. Released all their tension from the previous years. I didn't realize that so many other ppl felt that way till I heard Bush, Cheney and everyone related to them get boo-ed like crazy every time they came on screen.

Trying to get home after the event was a study in crowd control. Seriously. 100,000 strong stuck in unmoving human traffic. This man is directing traffic from atop the porta potties. At least attempting to.

Thank You Bush (or not)

2009-01-22T09:01:00.004-05:00

I was thinking a few days before Bush's last day, seriously thinking about whether in twenty years, Iraqis will be grateful for what he and Cheney have done to their country. Because right now, all I can see is the blood of many, and its so hard to see through Bilal's blood, through A and A and U's kidnapping, through my distance from my husband, the greatness that should have come from overthrowing a tyrant.

I still don't know how I feel about it.

I remember when Saddam was first thrown out, people were hurt, but it had not yet reached home for us and our family. The most tangible thing we saw from it was that Aunt N's husband was finally able to come home from exile, where 7 years earlier he had fled Iraq in disguise and on foot through the mountains, because of Saddam's promise to hang him for a 'transgression' he had not committed. He was finally able to come home to his children who were now men and women, and to his wife who he had left years ago. He was finally able to leave the tough, difficult life of a refugee.
So we were thankful, albeit sad that a country had to be thrown into war and death for this to happen.

And then, Baghdad became unbearable, but it was still worth it. Sahar's husband was kidnapped but he returned. Uncle S was kidnapped, but he returned. All with God's will, and we were so thankful.

And Baghdad grew worse.

We could not leave our homes after five, we could not visit our grandmother in Adhamiya because of the danger of travelling there, we could hardly visit any family members who did not live on our street or in our immediate community. Eid celebrations were confined to a small alley way in Baghdad, children's play was confined to homes, and fathers slept at night with guns besides their heads.

And then the boys were taken. Three young men, living in the house right in front of us, our relatives through Aunt N's husband, were kidnapped. And they did not return. Nor their bodies. Only promises and hopes that they might still be out there, two and a half years later. Their children born after their kidnapping left to grow up wondering why other children had fathers and they did not.

And our other neighbor, of a different sect, was killed in his shop. And our uncle in law's brother was killed in our neighborhood.

And then, Bilal was taken. And killed. And his body was recovered and buried by his Babby, the first one to join his grandfather, and be his companion after death.

And then, Bush's war did not seem to make it anymore. It did not seem to weigh more heavily than these young men's death. It did not seem to make up for all this blood spilt, all these tears shed, all this heartbreak and agony and permanent scarring of our young children. My heart still cries when I think of Bilal and the others, how can I imagine Aunt N's tears and heart break?

And yet, I still do wonder if Iraq will be on track in 25 years, and people will look back on these days and say they were the individual sacrifices needed to free 18 million men and women from the prison Saddam had them in. I wonder, but I can not say that I have seen that day yet, nor felt it with my heart. Perhaps one day, we will thank you Bush for what you did.

But that day is not today.

Travesty

2009-01-10T10:30:00.002-05:00

What's happening in Gaza is a travesty. I haven't had time to blog in so long, but Gaza is on our minds. We've held a couple of Nights of Prayer for Gaza in our area and lots of rallies. Today is The Big One, in Lafayette Park in front of the White House.

May God bring peace and justice to every land.
May Palestinians have their freedom and their land.
May they feel secure in their own homes.
May their injured find medicine and electricity to get better.
And may injustice fall in every form.

fatima

Sleet in Baghdad

2008-12-01T11:11:00.001-05:00

The hubby sent me these pics from a recent sleet storm in Baghdad. Quite interesting.
Enjoy!

Pops is Heading to Hajj

2008-11-27T14:50:00.002-05:00

After 63 years of living, 33 years of living in America, years and years of watching his teenage son and daughter head to the Holy Land before him, and years of me praying and praying for him being able to make it to Mecca, Baba is finally heading out in a couple of days inshaAllah. Thank you , O God.
I'm so happy for you dear baba, may you make it through the rituals safely and come back in excellent health, and may you be healed of your ailment.

Fatima

Touchy Thought

2008-11-06T16:05:00.003-05:00

So, I've been thinking this thought for a long time now, but it's not really an important thought, nor one that will result in anything fruitful, so I hesitate to write it down.
I have never been so proud in my life, nor felt so much like I belonged to this country, as I did on the night of November 4th, 2008, when Barack Obama was overwhelmingly voted in as the new president of this great nation.
I did not believe it possible that majority white, small town, elderly America was ready to vote in a black man, where a short 40 years ago, it fought to keep the black man from the ballot. But I am so proud that there is a new generation that has overwhelmingly overcome this issue. I am so happy.
But then I think to myself, if Barack had 'really' been a black man, had been black from his mother and his father, would he have been so easy to vote in? If he looked like the African American next door, would white America, Latino America, female America, been ready for him?
I fear that this is an almost dangerous, worthless question to bring up, but it sometimes stirs in my mind.
U S A!

Now For Some Deeper Thought

2008-11-05T10:39:00.002-05:00

So, I'm still riding on a cloud, but I do want to think about this issue on a deeper level. In my thirty years of living, and my twelve years of voting, I have never seen such euphoria over a candidate and president-elect. I have never seen such an election. I have never seen such a turnout. I have never seen my state of Virginia with the possiblity of 'switching sides', from Republican to Democrat. And I have never seen such a strong victory for a presidential candidate.
But all that happened, and the streets of American are jubilant, and one year ago, I did not think this was possible. I did not think that America, small town America, white America, older American, was ready to elect a black president. I hoped, but I said, no way. And now, I'm so happy that America proved me wrong, and put a black man in the White House.

Now, I want to understand why my country is soooooo unbelievable excited about this? On my Facebook account, last night around midnight, when McCain conceded and gave his speech, and when Obama gave his victory speech, Facebook was alive. Unbelievably alive with tens and tens of people declaring their absolute EUPHORIA and excitement at Obama's win. People were euphoric, jubliant, unbelievably happy, and every other synonym out there. Why this amount of feeling?
For me, I think that it's a translation of 'minority' people's happiness at finding 'one of them' elected into the strongest position of leadership in the modern world. A feeling of happiness at finding that America truly represents you. That you really belong, now matter what you look like, no matter what your name sounds like. Its a pride in knowing that a large number of Americans share this view, and have overcome their prejudices and stereotypes of just a few decades ago.
Its excitement at seeing a younger, more diverse spirit leading this nation.
For me, I am so proud of America right now. Proud of it for overcoming so much, and showing us what it is capable of.
And for me, I really hope that Obama does not disappoint. I hope that he leads this nation to justice and equality for all, and that he stays away from aggression, wherever it may be. I hope that he does not become just another one of them presidents.
And finally, I really do salute John McCain on his work and his speech last night. It was chivalrous, and I hope he rests after his long years of service.

GOOOBAMA! Long Live Justice, Equality and all this is good in this world!

So Proud to Be An American

2008-11-05T00:00:00.003-05:00

On this day, watching Obama's acceptance speech, I am so proud. I am so proud of America to have overcome its prejudices, and biases and hatred and to have voted into power the first black president of the United States of America.
May God give him the clarity of mind to make the right decisions, and to help fix everything that is America.

I am so proud to be an American.

SUVs and Attitude

2008-10-15T14:56:00.001-05:00

There's something I distinctly do not like about SUVs. And yet, I have recently joined this ostentatious, take-over-the-road car club. Only because I abhorred the idea of getting a minivan at the time, though since then, I've kind of wished I had considered it... (don't tell the hubby).

We were recently involved in a small car accident, hit by a 2008 Lexus sedan from the back, while stopped at a traffic light. Our bumper was cracked and scratched, our spare tire fell out the bottom of the car, and the left muffler was a bit bent. Nothing major alhamdulillah. But the poor old lady's car was pretty much screwed up. Her hood went up 1/3 of the way, her radiator was leaking fluid and her lights were crushed. She had to be towed out of there.

Everyone told me, you should be thankful, you're in a big, safe car. Otherwise, you might have been hurt more. But all I could think of was, if we had a smaller car, that lady's new Lexus would not have been destroyed.
It's this big consumerist mentality that really bothers me; this American attitude that says, 'You be safe, and who cares if the world around you goes to pieces.' I can't stand that attitude, I can't stand that SUV -buying/driving mentality.
And yet I drive around my first brand-new car, a Mazda CX-9. But in my defense, I must say, it's a space issue. :)

You Sound Tired, Hubby

2008-08-26T11:00:00.003-05:00

My hubby called me last night a little bit earlier than our usual call time, and sounded really tired.
"I had a tough day today, Fatima." A thousand pictures flew through my mind, and I was happy that I was talking to him directly, that I could hear his voice and be reassured of his presence.
"What happened?"
One of his colleagues had been targeted when someone booby-trapped his car. On his way to work, it blew up and he was taken to Yarmouk Hospital. My husband and co-workers went and picked him up and transferred him to Ibn Sina hospital for better care. The poor man lost both his legs, and my husband was there to see a friend go through this, was there to transport him in his state of agony and pain. And I can only imagine how difficult it was for hubby; for him to admit to me that he'd had a tough day was a big deal.
On another note, another one of his colleagues had faced the same situation a few weeks ago. Apparently strategy has changed for these chaos-mongers and instead of kidnapping and ransoming/murdering folk, they just booby-trap their cars. But I must say, these incidents have lessened greatly in the last year, but these last couple of months have spiked a bit. Allah al-Hafith.

Update: Yesterday, hubby was describing to me a little of what he saw a few days ago with his friend, 'I'. He told me he was there with him before the surgery took place, and 'I' was conscious throughout the whole ordeal. (warning: graphic description): He told me he saw a bone sticking out on one leg, with no muscle/meat on it. The right foot looked ok, so he asked the doctor if they could save that one. The doctor picked it up, and the only thing keeping the foot attached was a bit of skin. Hubby was telling me who gruesome and horrible that scene was, but he stayed by his conscious friend's side through out it. The guy has had his leg surgery/amputations done, and now, doctors are working on extracting shrapnel from his eye. May we never see such a fate with our loved ones.

Reality Check

2008-08-26T10:52:00.002-05:00

A few months ago, my husband was visiting us from Baghdad and we were chatting with his newly married sister. She was telling us about the coolest present she had received for her marriage, and it was a gift certificate to ride a hot air balloon, or skydive or some other 'extreme sport (extreme in my book, at least. :))

So, we were just going back and forth about which sport we'd choose if we had the choice, and my husband mentioned he'd definitely go for sky-diving. "At least there's a use to it."
I was like, "What in the world use is there to sky-diving?" And then it hit me. Hubby was seriously tied to his life in Baghdad, and I had forgotten the daily realities he lived through. He rides helicopters sometimes, and private planes, and they definitely have enemies. So for him, an sport activity of this kind could one day come in handy as a life-saving exercise. And he wasn't thinking too far into the future either.
Reality check indeed.

Iraqis and Facebook

2008-05-05T14:21:00.002-05:00

Not a scientific article, by any means, but I find it increasingly interesting how fast the Facebook phenomenon is spreading worldwide. My (egyptian) cousins in Egypt are avid Facebookers, adding every application and friend they can find. And for me, that was the best thing I've gotten out of joining Facebook, keeping in touch on a 'regular' basis with my kid cousins.
And now, I've noticed that Iraqis are increasingly joining the world of Facebook! It's not as widespread in Iraq as it is in the rest of the Arab world, but it is slowly gaining in popularity. From my husband's account, I see a good number of his colleagues and former co-workers adding him as Facebook friends. And one of my buddies from Iraq added me recently.
What I've noticed is that a number of Iraqi Facebookers are now ex-patriots or 'refugees' to a degree, i.e. they've left Iraq and that's how they got introduced to FB. And from those still inside Iraq, they're youngish (20's-30's), educated and have 'int'l' friends (Americans, etc) or found out about FB from friends and family forced out of Iraq.
Just a peak through my narrow glimpse into this worldwide phenomenon.

(btw: i'm not yet ready to give out my Facebook name. :) sorry folks!)

Living on in Our Hearts and Prayers...

2008-04-17T10:41:00.002-05:00

One year ago today, a young man was the last one to leave his house. He had said his good byes to his parents, siblings and cousin as they headed out before him. Little did they know that it was their last time to see each other.
One year ago today, Bilal headed out to university to take a final exam. He hadn't been to university most of the semester because of the threats, but today he was called in for an exam.
One year ago today, Bilal was chased down in front of university by armed, masked men in cars.
One year ago today, Bilal dropped his school notebook as he ran away from his kidnappers.
One year ago today, Bilal made three desperate calls for help from his cell phone, while running away from these men in black.
One year ago today, Bilal's 10 year old brother answered the phone to a panting Bilal screaming, 'They got me, they kidnapped me... Let me go.... Let me goooo....'.
One year ago today, the university population stood and watched a young man kidnapped and taken to an almost certain death...
One year ago today, I heard the news of Bilal's kidnapping in my husband's silent voice...

May you rest in mercy and peace ya Bilal, and may your mother's, father's, sisters' and brothers' hearts start to find some healing...

A Visitor, Outlandish, and Other Things...

2008-04-09T10:27:00.002-05:00

The girls and I are enjoying a few days with my hubby on a much needed vacation for him.
And here's a quick post of ten things about myself for my blogger friend, Karin, who tagged me a while back. :) (as personal as i can get on this page).

I'm a youth worker in my part of the world. Have been since I was a teenager, and missed it sorely in Baghdad. Thankfully I'm back at it.
I majored in Biology at university, graduated with honors. :) Never was sure exactly what I wanted to do, until today. :)
I'm very close to my siblings and my husband's siblings. I have two brothers and four sisters, and I'm the second child/first daughter.
I've lived in Texas, Chicago and Northern Virginia/DC metropolitan area, my home for the last 19/20 years (since I was an 8 year old). I love Va! And as a true northern Virginian, I have to point out that that there's Virginia, and then there's northern Virginia. Very different.
I did an intensive study abroad in Egypt for one year (before Baghdad), where we studied Arabic sciences and Islamic sciences with teachers one on one. It was a treasure of a time. I loved my parents' homeland, its' constantly busy streets, its' kind-hearted people, its' fun, its... but discovered I still missed home (US).
I voted for Bush in 2000 and lived to regret it time and again.
I believe that their is a purpose to our existence, and it is our responsibility to look inside and find our inner soul and connect with our Creator.
My father is living with cancer. He was diagnosed a year and a half ago with non-Hodgkins' lymphoma which has spread to his bone marrow, and is thus lymphatic leukemia. It's non-aggressive, so he's not receiving any treatments (just routinely following up with his doctor). Please keep him in your prayers. He's a great man who *usually* listens to the voice of reason when we talk to him. :) I love him for that amongst everything else. He's hoping to make Hajj for the first time this next year, so make dua'a for him!
I had a hard time living in Baghdad, every day there was my struggle in life. But I feel like my life was super enriched by that experience, and I would have loved it more had I known there was an end in sight. :) Until today, there is no end in sight to my hubby's being there, so I may be going back some day.
And finally, I have a major plug for an event that will interest ANYONE and EVERYONE out there. :) The music group Outlandish is touring the US this summer, and MAS Youth is holding a talent competition, Voices for Change. The winner of that competition (spoken word, poetry, song, etc), will open for Outlandish on their tour. This Voices for Change tour is a unique talent show seeking to bring positive, healthy change to the entertainment industry of today. JOIN the talent search NOW! OR BUY YOUR TICKETS FOR A CONCERT NEAR YOU (Chicago, Dallas, LA, NY, Tampa, Detroit).

Turned Out Well, alhamdulillah

2008-03-28T21:28:00.002-05:00

I woke up to a text and voice message on my cell phone from my hubby this morning. "I'm fine, alhamdulillah, just in case you hear anything."
So, of course I ran to read the news online and see what close call he had avoided. Mortars landed near where he works, and a couple of people died, about nine were injured. Thankfully, my husband is safe, all praise to God.
It's weird because almost exactly a year ago, the same thing happened, with my husband waking me up in the morning with a phone call, letting me know he was ok, just in case I heard the news. When it happened last year, it took me a couple of days to sink in how close he had been. The roof actually fell in where he worked last year, and there was a lot of smoke and debris, but he and his co-workers were able to make it out in one piece. His accident last year left me with a weird feeling, and a song he used to play as his ring tone farshi al turab kept on replaying in mind. I felt something weird those days, and a week later, Bilal was kidnapped.
Just need to record these days down for a hopefully brighter future, where I can look back on these times with my family and say 'Thank you God for letting us out of it safe and sound."
I always hope that is the case...

All Roads Lead to Baghdad

2008-03-25T11:00:00.002-05:00

Today marks my husband and I's seventh anniversary.
When we were in Baghdad, and mentioned this date to our aunt, she'd proudly remind us that this was the date she gave birth to her beloved son, Bilal. Bilal was born 22 years ago, but he has now become a statistic in this war, one of the hundreds of thousands killed since Saddam was overthrown 5 years ago.
So for me, even when I remember the happiest moments of my life, I am reminded of the misery that has become Baghdad.
Rahmatullahi alayka ya Bilal. For his story, click here.

For an analysis of today's Baghdad, read my husband's post, '5 years.'

5 years!

2008-03-22T17:43:00.002-05:00

This month marks the 5th anniversary of the War on Iraq and incidentally it is also our 7th anniversary as a couple. I remember back in 2003 telling Fatima that it would only be 6 months and then we would re-evaluate the situation and make decisions accordingly. I remember insisting on not living in the IZ because I said that if we were there to serve the Iraqi people we have to live among them. Sadly...instead of still living in my house and being proud to be working for Iraq I am now a resident of the Rasheed Hotel and only travel out with armed guards. People talk about the situation improving but I want to mention a few things aside from the media pronouncements. In reality there is a growing problem that is not being addressed. It was evident during the recent visit of President Ahmedinajad and how he was received and the way he announced his visit weeks in advance and toured Baghdad in stark comparison to how VP Cheney and any other US official comes. When Ahmedinajad was here Baghdad was eerily quiet while when VP Cheney was here bombs and mortars were going off. It was also evident when the Iraqi delegation was the only delegation that refused to stand with its Arab neighbors in condemning Iran for occupying the three Emirate Islands. It is evident in our trade relations with Iran as compared to every other country including the US.

I ask myself the question sometime, was it worth it for the United States? The blood and treasure spilled and spent and yet instead of Iraq standing with the US on basic policies it has turned to Iran on every aspect of governance and economy. This is a more fundamental issue than when and should US troops leave Iraq. The answer should be that now that the US has done all of this what does the US want to accomplish and is it working towards that goal or simply calming the situation to placate an anxious and angry US population during an election year. Unfortunately, the one player who has gained the most at the expense of the US and Iraq is Iran, yet interestingly enough either people here fail to see it or fail to do anything about it.

Uncanny II

2008-03-14T13:22:00.002-05:00

I had written in the past about supposed coincidences in Iraq's affairs, well, it has happened yet again. Is it not interesting that suddenly this week bombings and violence have suddenly jumped?! The interesting thing associated with this is that negotiations between the United States and Iraq started this week on a long-term agreement. It just so happens that violence suddenly increases when this starts...uncanny!! It is unfortunate that other nations continue to feel that they have a right to meddle in Iraq's affairs and use Iraq as a place to settle scores. The sad fact is that innocent civilians always pay the price.

On another note, someone asked a while back what it would take for Iraqis to put aside their sub-identities and become Iraqis. The answer is simple, leave Iraqis alone...let Iraqis settle issues between themselves without Iranian, Syrian, and other outside influence and Iraqis will once again bring their nation together.

Finally, people are talking about the decrease in violence as if it is something that is here to stay. Unfortunately the present peace is very fragile because the root causes of violence have yet to be resolved. Militias still infiltrate the Iraqi security and civilian institutions, citizens who have stood up to Alqaeda are being refused entry into Iraq's security services, and true powersharing in governance has yet to happen. These things are the root solutions to many of Iraq's issues and though they may sound easy to resolve, we don't yet have true statesmen who are willing to hold Iraq above their narrow partisan interests to make the difficult decisions.

Babies in Baghdad Part I: A Gun in Every Home

2008-03-09T22:35:00.007-05:00

I haven't been blogging in a long time mainly because my life situation has changed. I don't live in Baghdad anymore, and blogging was mainly a means for me to record this surreal life that I was leading and, later, to connect with people outside my Baghdad family. I have since grown to *love* blogging, but I can't get myself to record my thoughts here, b/c they aren't 'thoughts from Baghdad' anymore. But I love the Iraqi blogging world too much to start a whole new blog, so I decided that I'm going to start blogging in retrospect, and just recording any thoughts I might be having, ranging mostly from parenting, to parenting, to the three years I lived in Baghdad. It really is unbelievable how those three relatively 'short' years have come to color my life so much, but they really have.
I lived in Baghdad for three years, post-Saddam, and was a mommy for one of those three years. The other day I was thinking about how much my oldest daughter has grown since those days she was running around our house in Baghdad, getting into cupboards, climbing hard marble stairs with really wide railings, and adjusting to the lights turning on and off every few hours.
And then I remembered something about our home in Baghdad, and I thanked God I was out of that situation. My husband and I slept with a loaded gun near his head every night.
He would come home from work every day, go upstairs, change out of his work clothes, and leave his gun on the headboard of our bed. When Sumy started walking on tables, and eventually walking on her own, I lived in eternal fear of that gun. But guns are a fact of life in Baghdad. Since no law was out there protecting us, we had to take matters into our own hands.
We lived with the fear of militias driving up in the middle of the night to our street and rounding up our men. My husband would stay up on certain nights which were 'high alert' nights, and act like he was reading, when in reality he was keeping his ears open to any unusual activity in our part of the world.
And when he went to work, that loaded gun would go with him, again, to protect him. But he didn't leave me home alone. No he didn't, thoughtful husband of mine. He left another little tiny gun at home with me, as if I would ever use it to protect myself. Man, until now, I'm still freaked out by the thought of those guns. Thank God we never had to use them. Though once in the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep, so I very quietly crept out of our bedroom. And in the act of trying not to open the creaking door too much, I knocked over a mirror, which fell on the marble floor and broke. I guess I freaked the living lights out of my sleeping husband, who later told me he reached for his gun.
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day, a friend who is very critical of my husband's presence/work in Baghdad. She told me, "I want to live your husband's life. He's like a Rambo, running around with a gun and bodyguards (he doesn't have bodyguards, but he does have a driver). I was like, 'running around with a gun?! Is that what qualifies him for leading an 'exciting'/Rambo-style life? EVERYONE in Baghdad has a gun in their house, rich or poor. It's just a matter of life, or death...". Unfortunately.
All I can say is, thank God I'm out of a situation where my daughters would have had to live in the same house with guns.

One Year Older

2008-02-27T16:06:00.004-05:00

My baby turned one two days ago. Time flies! Here's a pic of her with my older daughter taken a couple of months ago.
I celebrated by introducing honey on top of her waffle, and she celebrated by tossing her peas and pasta over the side of the high chair. It missed the rug I have under her chair; I miscalculated the trajectory of her throw. O, the joys of being a mommy!
Things are going well, we're still missing baba, who's in Baghdad at the moment. Any prospects of him settling here or me settling there? Not at the moment, but we *hope* for an end in sight.

Hello There

2008-02-15T17:10:00.000-05:00

:) I'm alive, alhamdulillah. :)

Sunni, Shia, & Kurds

2007-11-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

In one of the comments that were left on a prior post it is mentioned that the technocrats are mainly Sunni because Saddam's regime favored them over the others. I want to mention a few historical facts to try and shed light on a common belief that I believe needs to be fixed. Let me start by saying that Saddam Husain is a tyrannical dictator that would not think twice to kill anyone that crossed him or challenged him or posed any risk to his power. He harmed the Iraqi people, Kurd, Shia and Sunni alike and was ruthless in doing so. Saddam was just in one thing and that was distributing his wrath.

To say that his regime was a Sunni regime however is not entirely true. Of the 55 deck of cards that US forces distributed of the senior Iraqi leadership 35 or 36 were Shia. The majority of the Baath Party members were Shia, one of the largest branches of which used to be named Al-Thawra and which many of you now know as Sadr City. What was overturned in 2003 was not a Sunni regime but a tribal or clan based kleptocracy and what truly changed is the Ottoman system that the original Iraqi State was built upon (the remnants of the Ottoman Empire). This system included the officer corps as well as the bourgeoisie and other classes.

In reality, the reason that many of Iraq's middle class was Sunni is a demographic and historic issue more than a political one. The Sunni composed the majority of urban residents in the center and north who were merchants, officers, politicians, etc. whereas the population in the south have historically been rural farmers and marsh dwellers. This is one of the primary reasons that there are specific classes of people. It is also of note that the secular Shia are the ones that lived in places like Kadhmiyyah who were the well off urban class. I am mentioning this to undermine the somewhat simplistic posture of a Saddam's government was a Sunni one. This is not to say that he did not begin a purge of Shia professionals post 1991 after the Intifadha uprising, which he did sometimes with impunity but simultaneously one of the major problems in the Sunni street is its disarray and that is because Saddam killed off all of its effective leadership and did not allow parties to form or other civil society groups, specifically I recall an incident when he gathered some of the prime sheikhs of Anbar and killed them off because they were perceived to be against him.

In the end, these artificial divisions in the Iraqi population have been entrenched to the degree that instead of looking at professional Iraqis as Iraqis we have to refer to them as Sunni, Shia or Kurd, and so long as we do so we will not realize the dream of an advanced Iraq where all can compete fairly based on their ability and not their sectarian or ethnic identity.

Uncanny!

2007-11-17T15:50:00.000-05:00

It is uncanny! The night I wrote about Baghdad being too quiet I was awakened by the sound of an explosion. That day I was thinking that I knew something was wrong and today again the sound of another explosion rocking western Baghdad. What is sad is not that not only do these explosions continue, but that the people pay the price for the politicians' recalcitrance. It is also interesting that the press today is reporting that the embassy is trying to understand this lull and the Iranian role, while it should be crystal clear, they figure the bombing campaign did not work through the summer to get troops out, the best way to do it now is to make people feel that they have won by calming the situation so that people will call for the troops to leave. It seems to me that this should be realpolitik 101. It will also be interesting to see how the different political groups will react when the longer term security agreement needs to be signed between the US and Iraq. I believe it will be then that US diplomats will see where political loyalties really stand.

The government continues to show its sectarian nature and yet it seems as people turn a blind eye to it. The question is can the present political class navigate Iraq out of its present rough political waters? The answer is clearly no...I believe it will take a new generation of people who can get past their sectarian differences and look for the good of the country. The reality is now all are vying to shape the new Iraq and unless something dramatically changes this will continue for the next 5-7 years until the new political order and system in Iraq is set. Sunnis feel they can reverse some of the damage that the Shia Ideologues have done and Shia want to cement the system where they rule as religious ideologues and not as platform politicians and the Kurds are content to see the instability continue so that they can continue to build Kurdistan at the expense of the rest of Iraq. The United States probably wants political disarray so that it can gain the best arrangement for long term agreements in Iraq and Iran continues to play the political groups against one another in a grotesque divide and conquer strategy. All of this is happening at the back door to the Gulf countries who seem completely oblivious to what a Shia religious state in Iraq would mean to their security.

Sorry for the incongruence of thoughts, these were a few thoughts that came to mind as I was reading through some government paperwork...

It is too quiet!!!

2007-11-13T17:40:00.000-05:00

Everyone inside and outside Iraq is talking about the renewed security in Baghdad and the significant drop in violence. People attribute it to the surge that has taken its course and increased the presence of forces on the streets of Baghdad and other places, while others also cite the better training of the Iraqi security forces and the Baghdad security plan. I think it is a combination of many factors but one issue continues to bother me at the back of my mind. The security plan started in February and the surge started in May/June (the real surge when troops had actually arrived), violence levels spiked in May, June, July, August, and September and then very suddenly as if a light switch had been turned off, subsided! This was coupled with a sudden absence of mortar and rocket fire on the Green Zone. I can't help to think this is someone playing with Iraq's destiny. Someone figured upping the violence during the months before the Crocker/Petraeus report would hurt the Americans politically and now they may have figured calming the situation is the best way to get them to leave. Calls have already started for US troops to withdraw and the media is reporting that the PM is considering lifting the nightly ban on vehicles. It does not make sense...please don't misunderstand, I as well as many Iraqis are happy to see Iraq return to normal and for US troops to return safely to their families but this just doesn't feel right and I hope that it is not another twist in the unending saga of the ebb and flow of violence and politics in Iraq.
I think people should take a more sober look at the situation and not be overly optimistic because the fundamental issues that stoke the violence have yet to be resolved. The violence was a manifestation of the political power contest for the right to lay the foundations of the "New Iraq" it happened in a zero-sum political environment where instead of working together to forge a new vision for the country, groups would think that if a political opponent gained it automatically meant their loss. This situation has not yet entirely changed among the present political class in Iraq. Granted there may be a sense of exhaustion by many but I don't believe the underlying problems that helped fuel the violence in Iraq have been resolved and therefore a greedy neighbor or other power wishing to capitalize can easily play one group against the other and reignite the violence. The real resolution to this problem can only come in the form of a political resolution akin to India's framing of a several hundred page constitution where all had a say; a system where all felt enfranchised and felt that at least they had equal opportunity because of their citizenship and not their sub ethno-sectarian identities. I may be thinking idealistically, but realistically if Iraqis can come together and realize a common vision and start talking economic, social, and health policy we will take a step towards building a functional state and truly eliminating the need for political, ethnic, or sectarian violence by eliminating its source.

The Technocrats...

2007-11-13T17:11:00.000-05:00

Sitting in a meeting today I was discussing with a friend the need to find Iraq's non-sectarian technocrats and make sure they are nominated as Iraq's ministers in the impending cabinet shift. Then the question came, where are they? They are in Amman, Syria, and other countries because of decisions taken after 2003 that disenfranchised many of them or they left because of a seemingly organized campaign to empty Iraq of its secular professional civil service and middle class elite exchanging them with uneducated religious zealots who always seem to have a chip on their shoulder.
Regardless, what must happen in order for Iraq to be fixed is for an organized campaign to return the doctors, educators, scientists, etc. It is only with a true reversal of the aforementioned brain drain can we begin to patch Iraq together. Absent that we will continue to have a government both on a local and national level filled with incompetent ideologues who attain their positions not because of skill but patronage and therefore corruption will continue because they are beholden to whoever put them in that position.
Iraq is salvageable if we can get these people back into Iraq and working past narrow sectarian interests for the good of the country. Parties must understand that running an opposition movement from the outside is a completely different ball game than running a country! The PM is a representative of all Iraqis and not his narrow ideological base, this must be a cornerstone policy in the upcoming cabinet re-shuffling.
QUALIFIED IRAQIS COME HOME! If you feel you are one of them please e-mail and I would be happy to forward your information on to friends in high places....

Lonely Night

2007-11-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

I'm a sad woman tonight. Just took the hubby to the airport. He's heading back to Baghdad. Have to keep up a cheery air for the girls. Love you hubby and miss you much.

My Eid Days

2007-10-23T15:29:00.000-05:00

I've been really busy these last few weeks. Too busy to even care to check my facebook, my email, my blog. But I've settled a bit yesterday and today and am typing away.
My husband is here on vacation from Baghdad. We were talking of having me and the girls go to Jordan to try living there, so we'd be closer to him. But plans have changed, and I've finally gotten my own place here. It's nice with the hubby here, but I'm already depressed thinking of him leaving and leaving me alone in this apartment.
This last couple of weeks has been a whirlwind.... Eid, brother here on vacation, sister in law engaged (congrats, sis!), hubby here (!yay!), finding an apt, furnishing the apt, looking for things on craigslist, waiting for replies from craigslist, shopping at ikea, putting together furniture bought from ikea, deciding never to do ikea again :).... . Now I have my one comfy black couch, and black/white printed Poang! chair. And here I am sitting on it, typing away.
I don't feel settled yet, even with my new apartment, my new furniture, my new-used Volvo station wagon, and my new utensils. As long as my husband isn't with me, I can't be settled. Let's hope things in Baghdad get better soon so that I can be with him, or get really bad, so that he can leave (just half-kidding. I'd never hope evil for mankind so that I'd be more comfortable.)

Happy Eid!

2007-10-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

U.S. Senate Voting On Partitioning Iraq

2007-09-30T10:27:00.000-05:00

According to this article, the U.S. Senate was to vote on a 'nonbinding Senate resolution ... (calling) for Iraq to be divided into federal regions under control of Kurds, Shiites and Sunnis in a power-sharing agreement similar to the one that ended the 1990s war in Bosnia. Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., was a prime sponsor of the measure.'

WTH? Who gave them that right? As my sister in law said, 'didn't know that the U.S. had added a 51st state.'

You Go, Mugabe!

2007-09-30T05:03:00.000-05:00

I heard part of Mugabe's speech to the UN General Assembly yesterday on NPR news, and all I could think was, "You go, Mugabe!"
After Bush attacked Zimbabwe's government for being tyrannical, its president stood up in front of the UN General Assembly and attacked Bush for his 'rank hypocrisy.' He said, "His hands drip with innocent blood of many nationalities ... He kills in Iraq. He kills in Afghanistan. And this is supposed to be our master on human rights?" And he said, "Almighty Bush is now coming back to the UN for a rescue package because his nose is bloodied. Yet he dares to lecture us on tyranny." He also said, "Mr. Bush thinks he stands above all structures of governance, whether national or international. At home, he does not need the Congress. Abroad, he does not need the UN, international law and opinion."
And Mugabe, you are right, and thank you for stating this in front of the world body. Bush, you cannot continue to take the high ground on the world stage for spreading democracy and freedom, for being the president of the land of the free and the brave. After your Patriot Act, after your Guantanamo, after your Abu Ghraib, after your war on terror, after your war in Iraq and Afghanistan, you can not honestly stand in front of the world and attack human rights aggressions. Sadly. So Sadly. We need a world leader who is innocent of these crimes against humanity, at home and abroad. May aggression everywhere, in America and outside of America be erased forever.

Added:Link to Mugabe's full speech.

Land of a 'Thousand' Palm Trees

2007-09-28T11:48:00.001-05:00

Euphrates River, Najaf, Iraq.

Palm trees and more palm trees, Najaf, Iraq. I love palm trees, but this looks like an overgrowth of fungus. :)

Views Above and Around Baghdad

2007-09-21T22:20:00.001-05:00

A friend sent me these pictures taken from above of Baghdad and Ramadi. I'm always surprised by how organized the streets of Baghdad look from above, especially when I compare it to other Arab countries from above (one in particular, but won't mention it so that my sisters don't pounce on me. :) I think alot of people forget that during the '80's, Iraq was on its track to becoming one of the most industrialized countries in the Arab world, until stupidity struck its ruler. But the infrastructure still attests to the good that this country has seen.
Mosque in front left corner formerly known as Um Al Tubool, now known as Ibn Taymiyyah.

Baghdad from above. In the distance, you see Baghdad Tower (Burj Baghdad), formerly known as Saddam's Tower. Close to my house in Baghdad.

Habbaniya Lake, Ramadi.

Habbaniya Lake, Ramadi.

Another Family Story: Car Bombs and Hospital Issues

2007-09-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

My husband's youngest aunt, who lives in Mosul, had a close call with reality last weekend. Her husband, S, came home from his shop all bloodied and injured. A car bomb had exploded near his little store and a piece of shrapnel had entered his chest, and another his leg. His relatives drove him to the nearest hospital, but for whatever reason, the hospital refused to admit him.
He went home to his wife and daughters in his bloody clothes, and continued bleeding till the following morning.
The next day, a relative drove him to a doctor friend, who was able to locate and extricate the shrapnel in his chest. He was unable to take out the metal in his leg. All of this was done without anasthesia.
And so, the struggle of my Iraqi family continues.

Sultan Hashim's Execution and Instability in Iraq

2007-09-12T15:33:00.000-05:00

It is interesting that whenever there seems to be a relative lull in the sectarian violence and the political situation begins to head in the right direction there always seems to be a crisis that erupts that keeps Iraq ’s politicians divided. It is uncanny!

During the constitution when people were talking and trying to reach compromises a certain politician announced that he wanted to create a Shia super-region south of Baghdad, inflaming Sunni anger and causing tension.

When the elections occurred and people were looking forward to selecting a new prime minister and negotiations on the government were underway, Samarra happened and the unraveling of Baghdad occurred. More recent events are when the politicians are hard at work to finish important legislation and things seemed to have been calming, the government announced the arrest warrant for one of the Sunni ministers. And most recently when all was quiet on the political landscape with people waiting for the reports of Crocker and Petraeus, the government decides it wants to execute one of Iraq’s most decorated and professional military officers Sultan Hashim, regardless of the constitutional and legal issues barring the execution without a Presidential Decree. It works like clockwork in Baghdad , but I don’t think it is Baghdad’s clock or Washington’s clock which is important in Iraq anymore, it is the clock of certain neighboring countries which actively work to keep Iraq in a state of instability. There were clear constitutional and legal problems with the carrying out of the executions and even more fundamentally there were problems with the verdicts issued especially because some of those sentenced to death were simply officers carrying out orders and their only recourse was resignation, which Saddam would submit once they were six feet under.

Shia and Sunni alike have questioned the verdict meted out to Mr. Hashim, even President Talabani called for amnesty for him. I don’t think anyone wants to protect criminals like Chemical Ali, but the rule of law is the rule of law and either Iraqis respect the constitution they voted on or they completely ignore it, simply returning us to the days of autocratic regimes selectively applying law as it sees fit.

Granted Political Asylum in US!

2007-09-10T17:31:00.000-05:00

It's a bittersweet situation for Cousin A, but he was recommended for political asylum here in the States after leaving Iraq more than two months ago. 'A' is Bilal's brother, forced out of Baghdad after his brother's murder and after the situation has become unbearable and unliveable for him.
Alhamdulillah. He can now start rebuilding his life here in the States.

It's really an interesting situation. The US has granted less than 800 Iraqi refugees political asylum since the invasion, while Sweden has granted 18,000 and Australia 6,000 (according to Refugees Int'l). So, hopefully, this is a move in the right direction. Congrats, A!

Bush's Visit to Anbar

2007-09-04T19:33:00.000-05:00

President Bush made a surprise visit to Anbar on Monday and brought along his National Security Cabinet. What was interesting was that all of Iraq ’s leadership was flown out to meet him in Anbar. Note that Iraq’s PM has been saying that we are working with the recruits in Anbar to build a local security force (even though realistically he has put any and all obstacles to that process).
So the President along with the PM and other Iraqi leaders meet with the tribal leaders of Anbar and one of the first things they complain about is that the Police are not receiving salaries nor equipment as the PM had promised and stated that he had given. The PM stayed completely quiet and did not answer or object to any of the comments.
The symbolism in the Anbar trip was important…First of all the President of the United States visited a sovereign country yet did not go to its capital indicating that what is happening in Anbar right now is more important than what is happening in Baghdad. Secondly, the President got a reality check as to what the government was really doing to support people who have asked for help against extremism (almost nothing). More to follow…

Fixing Iraq's Problem

2007-09-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

I recruited a new member to my blog, one who will bring a more political perspective to this blog, politics being his forte. Here are some thoughts that occurred to him recently...
Many have complained of the lack of progress in Baghdad and state that Iraq’s politicians are not willing to compromise in order to reach political agreement. People claim that Iraq’s communities cannot live together and should therefore be softly partitioned and that Iraq cannot be resolved militarily so people should give up on Iraq.
It is true there is not a wholly military solution to Iraq’s crisis, nor can reconciliation be reached between Iraq’s disparate communities until a major obstacle has been overcome, lack of trust. The sad fact is there is no trust between Iraq ’s politicians which is translating into politically and ethnically motivated violence on the streets of Baghdad . I think it is high time that Iraqis forget about the past both distant and recent, forget about their identities and ask themselves a simple question, do they continue to want to live in an Iraq for all Iraqis?
The most dangerous thing is for communities to start comparing suffering, especially if one community tries to have a trademark on suffering and continue to feel oppressed today. Injustice only begets further injustice, oppression only fosters underground revolutions, and suffering ingrains hatred. In order for Iraq to move forward we must overcome these issues as Iraqis, even if our politicians fail to do so, and say in a loud voice that we forgive one another and wish to live peaceably together. Then and only then, can we overcome the obstacles standing in the way of true reconciliation. Dwelling on the past only hinders one's ability to create a vision for the future.
These are a few thoughts I had while sitting in on some meetings attended by all of Iraq’s major players, realizing that beneath the niceties there lies a true lack of trust embodied by the security presence of each and every member present.

Katrina Revisited

2007-08-28T16:19:00.000-05:00

I published this post last year, on Katrina's anniversary. I think alot of the problems from last year and the year before remain as they are, unfixed. Check out the discussions from last year's post.
**********************************************************************************
My younger sister was telling me a while ago, after I started this blog, that reading my accounts of life in Baghdad, and reading a Palestinian lady's accounts of life in Gaza, made her lose a certain respect for the people of these nations. Reading about the crazy violence, and the random kidnappings and murder, made her see these people as rather uncivilized people.
That was never my intent when I started this blog, and as I continue it today. But I realize that my sister's words do not only reflect her feelings, but those of many people who are bombarded by daily images and stories of bombings, lootings, kidnappings, terror and violence in these hotspots.
But I must say that such behavior is not necessarily endemic to these people. It is a result of a catastrophe that has left Iraq, and any other country in its same shoes, in complete chaos, the result of having no government, no governmental authority, no leader, no law in place.
That is what happened in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrine hit it exactly one year ago today, on April 29, 2005. I remember watching the news of this natural catastrophe which hit the Gulf Area, in between the few moments of quiet I had while caring for my then newborn daughter. I remember the images of chaos, the dead bodies floating in the streets, the people begging for help on national television, the looting, the guns going off randomly, the National Guard threatening not to come to the city if individuals did not stop using random gunfire to defend their belongings; the horror of having your home destroyed in seconds, of losing your loved ones and not knowing if they were dead or alive, ...
At that moment, all I could think of was... Iraq. This is Iraq. This is Palestine. This is every land and people that have been destroyed by a catastrophe. This is America getting a taste of what it is like to be left without law and order. It doesn't only happen in the Middle East, it happened right here, in the heartland of America. When I saw the looters who had to steal food to survive (or not), when I saw people having to take the law into their own hands, defending their homes and businesses from randoms looters, all I could think of was life in Iraq today. This is what a state of chaos and lawlessness does to a people. It leaves them to fend for themselves, some stay true to their goodness, in others, it brings out the worse.

I was looking over pictures today of New Orleans then and now, just to remind myself of some of the horrors that these people went through. I saw a horrific picture of a body floating down the water-flooded streets, unclaimed and unburied for days. I saw a picture of a man standing in front of his oriental rug shop, with a large hand-made sign reading, "Don’t try. I am sleeping inside with a big dog, an ugly woman, two shotguns and a claw hammer…." I saw a picture of a makeshift grave for an elderly woman who had been killed in a hit a few days after Katrina. Her body was left unburied on the side of the road for five days. I saw a picture of a family standing with a large sign which they waved at the helicopter flying above, begging for help. I saw pictures of human misery, and I hope they never recur to any race of people, here or abroad.
What happened in New Orleans, or Iraq, or Palestine, can happen anywhere. We are just fortunate that we are not living under the circumstances that these people are living under, or we might very well see the worst in our fellow neighbors and friends. May God protect us from all catastrophes, natural and man-made.

Away from Blogging

2007-08-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

A few things are keeping me away from blogging. 1. Living away from Baghdad (Thoughts from Baghdad is my title! :) ), and 2. my new Facebook account. Seems to be filling up my blogging time and needs.
Sorry about the few and scattered posts, but I have an important post coming up, inshaAllah, a story of my street in Baghdad.

Group Effort to Clear Highway

2007-08-18T14:09:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from an eye doctor's appointment in DC a couple of hours ago, on 66 West, when the car in front of me suddenly stopped. It took me a couple of minutes to fully register what had happened in front of me.
A huge tree had fallen and completely blocked the highway in front of me. All the cars around me came to a full stop and people started running out of their cars to see what had happened. A woman had climbed out of her car, which was stopped right at the tree. She was looking ahead of the pile of branches and screaming. I realized that the tree had just fallen, and a car was stuck under the mass of branches, and I feared someone was hurt.
After a few minutes it became clear that everyone was ok, just really shaken up, and one car was seriously wrecked.
I climbed out of my car, opened the back seat door and took my two year old out of her car seat. I explained to her what had just happened. And then I started worrying about my five month old at home with my sisters, she'd be waking up soon, and ready for her feeding. Man, if i had only been a few minutes earlier. But in reality, if I had been just a minute earlier, I may have been that car stuck under the tree, wrecked. So, alhamdulillah.
Within minutes, I saw a line of men walking up from behind me. They went up to the fallen branches and started moving them. Man after man came up, till there were at least twenty men picking up the fallen debris. I was impressed by this feeling of civil responsibility and communal work. People could have just sat in their cars and waited for the firemen and police who drove up soon after to pick up the debris. But they realized that we would all get moving that much quicker if everyone pitched in and picked up a little. A car and a motorcycle even stopped on the other side of the highway (which was moving really slowly because of the rubbernecking and a bunch of leaves on the road), and two men got out to help. They could have driven on, but they were there to help their neighbors. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the men standing in line, picking up a heavy branch, led by sixtyish year old looking man. ...
I was thinking of what the response would have been like had I been in Iraq... People would have started backing up on the highway, driving 'wrong-side' as they call it, to get on their way home, or wherever they were heading. That was my first reaction, was there anyway I could back up to the exit I just passed...
It took about thirty minutes for the firemen, police and the random passersby to clean up most of the fallen tree. Within minutes, a policeman started waving the first cars through the one open lane, and I was safely on my way home.

For some pics, check out this link.

Bittersweet Victory

2007-07-31T22:19:00.000-05:00

I was flipping from one webpage to another, reading different bloggers' reactions to the Asia Cup victory by the Iraqi team. And then I got to BT's page, and it just resonated within me, because I was thinking of someone else, someone who would have celebrated this victory with such gusto, had he been with us today. I was thinking of Cousin A, who watched the Asia Cup final in his aunt's house in the US, by himself, thousands of miles from his family. I'm sure he thought of how much funner it would have been had he been sitting in the middle of his father, cousins, brothers, watching the game, like he had watched hundreds of other games. I'm sure he wished he could have joined in his people's street celebrations. I'm sure he thought of his brother Bilal, and how he would have enjoyed this so much. All I could think about was how a few short months ago, after the elections in January, Bilal was joining in his political party's street celebrations. driving around with his friends, beeping their car horns, flying their flags. How he would have done the same today with Iraq's win in the Asia cup, beeping his car horns, flying his flag, popping his fire crackers... . Allah yirhamuh and all of Baghdad's martyrs. Bittersweet victory...

Days Gone By

2007-07-16T13:20:00.000-05:00

Bilal and my oldest the night before we left Baghdad. December 2006.

My husband is here from Baghdad for a short visit. We spend a lot of time at his parents' house, with his cousin 'A', here from Baghdad, attempting to move on with his life. 'A' is mashaAllah, in good spirits, not only laughing, but most importantly, making all of us around him laugh. He's brought a beautiful touch of Baghdad back here with him.
We sit with him and listen to his stories of Baghdad, and reminisce with him. He mentions his brother, Bilal, Allah yirhamuh, often. When we're eating, taking pictures, playing. He shows us old videos and photos. I realize how everything reminds him of his brother, and of home. But I'm impressed by his ability to stay strong and cheerful and to make everyone around him smile and laugh. I see him when he has his dark moments, but he manages to move on. May Allah keep him strong and cheerful always.
The other day we were sitting and he was going through his wedding pictures. A day of celebration and smiles and happiness. Flipping through those pictures was like looking at a summary of Baghdad today. 'A' pointed at the people in his picture, 'This one was killed, this one left the country, and this one, May God grant him freedom, was taken.' Three fourths of the people in his photos had left Baghdad, or been killed, or were kidnapped by one force or another. And these pictures were from less than three years ago. In such a short period of time, life has changed so much for these people. SubhanaAllah, if I knew the future, I would do so much good.

Iraqi Refugees

2007-07-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

It's not easy to just up and leave your home, family and country. Even though life in Baghdad is horrific at best these days, leaving it isn't that easy.
My husband's cousin and best friend, 'A', 26, left Baghdad earlier this week, and arrived here in the States yesterday. 'A' is Bilal's older brother. After his brother's kidnapping and murder, and after being threatened with his own life, he had to leave his country, separate from his family and attempt to start a new life.
He's here now, and people would say he is lucky. But he doesn't think so. He misses his family too much. His mother, father, siblings, wife of three years and his two little babies, the youngest all of one month old.
My heart goes out so deeply for 'A.' I think of myself living away from my husband, and thinking of him all the time, missing him in every step and being. And this is while I am surrounded by my family, my friends and my beautiful children. 'A''s life has been turned upside down. He's in a completely new country. He doesn't speak the language so fluently. He's away from his beloved, from his children, from his friends, from everyone he grew up with and lived with. He was a dentist in Baghdad, an educated, well placed man. Now, he has to start all over. He has to start from the zero, learning the language, making new friends, taking on any job that will accept him for now.
I hope that in a year he'll have set the foundation for a good life for him and his children. For now, my heart goes out to him and to all of Iraq's displaced people.

Five Thinking Blogs For Your Pleasure

2007-06-13T21:38:00.000-05:00

My thanks goes out to the Make It Stop! Make It Stop! bloggers for awarding this blog one of their five Thinking Blogger Awards. In turn, I get to name five of my favorite thinking blogs. . .

Konfused Kollege Kid: An Iraqi blog, from a young man who recently left Baghdad for Amman. Outrageous, insightful and funny are some words that describe this blog. He writes crazy things, but usually concludes with very interesting views.
My Occupied Territory: A young 22 year old Muslim Arab American's views on the world around her. Proactive within herself and energizing those around her.
Dusty Sunrays : Thinking blogs are not only written blogs. Photographs and in turn photoblogs show alot of the character of their owners, and give us a glimpse into their personal worlds and what they are thinking of. This is one of my favorite (and only:)) photoblog daily visits.
A Mother From Gaza: One of the first blogs I was hooked onto. The diary of a young mother living between Occupied Gaza and the United States. Delves into different aspects of mothering and living under occupation. A definite must-read on life in the Occupied Territories.
Mommy and Youth Worker: A friend and relative's excellent blog, to be left unnamed at her request. Discusses issues of parenting, youth working, spirituality and more. I immensely enjoy it, learn from it and am inspired by it, and can't wait till you come back to blogging, sister.

Of course there are a few more blogs which I love to read and am challenged and inspired by. Within this year I have become 'addicted' to blogging, as my little sister accuses me of whenever I accuse her of being addicted to Facebook. :) I think blogging has helped me stay in touch with the world in different ways, has helped me read the news in interesting ways, and has helped me give the world a tiny look at what is happening in the world around me. Once again, my thanks to the Make It Stop! bloggers.

A Cup of Tea

2007-06-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

When I started this blog more than a year ago, it was meant to help me deal with living in Baghdad. I wanted to make a point of recording the 'good, the bad and the ugly' and not just the 'bad and the ugly' because I generally like to see the good things in life, to view the cup as half full and not half empty. But out of my 101 posts, I can honestly say that the 'good' stories number a sad handful.
Anyways, I have a 'good' story to mention about life in Iraq today! Not a story really, but just something that I miss about life there (wow, never thought I'd miss anything from there, other than family and friends). Ever since I've come here to the States, after living in Baghdad for three years, I can't make the perfect cup of tea, nor the perfect egg! And after trying to make that perfect cup of tea after cup of tea, and after a few attempts at making a yummy dish of eggs, I have finally come to the conclusion that it just tastes better over there! No cup of tea tastes as good as that heavy, super sweet small istikana of chai, and no eggs will ever taste as good sunny side up.

The Last of the Honeysuckles

2007-06-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite signs of spring; something I've missed for the last four years. Walking outside on a beautiful spring day, looking at the majestly green trees bordering against the blue, blue sky and getting a whiff of those beautiful smelling honeysuckles.

From Birth to Death

2007-05-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

When I come to type down the news coming from Baghdad, I feel like I'm making up a real bad horror story. But unfortunately, this is the life of a small family in Baghdad.
Three days ago, my husband sent me a message. He wrote, "Sorry, I have more bad news." My heart immediately sunk. I went on to read, "Amma R's husband died today." I continued to read, "He was really sick and his heart gave out." Ironically, I sighed a sigh of relief. Alhamdulillah, it was a natural death. But even then, the situation in Iraq didn't help this middle aged man's health. He went to the hospital the night before his death, but there were no real doctors on call, no one could treat him for a simple ailment. He died the next morning. Allah yirhamuh.

My husband went the next day to pay his condolences to his cousin's uncle (Bilal's uncle). On the way there, he got in a small car accident. The guy in the other car came out at him with a gun in his hand. My husband and 'A' decided to keep their guns in the car, to avert any escalations in emotion. Thankfully, the man waved them off. When I heard this story, I freaked out. How easy it is for someone to take the law into his own hands in lawless Baghdad! Just whip out your gun and scare anyone who you decide is a threat to you.

Last night (Baghdad time), Baby Bilal was born at 9:30 pm at home. Going to a hospital at night is difficult and risky because of the curfew. Besides, not too many people find Baghdad's hospitals attractive and pleasant. Giving birth at home might quickly become the norm in Baghdad these days. The midwife had to spend the night.

Next morning, A's family found out that his second aunt's husband had died in a matter of days from the first one. This one had been gunned down in front of his clinic in Mosul. His aunt, who had just returned to Mosul from Baghdad where she had visited her older sister and condoled her for her husband's death, is now receiving condolences for her own husband's tragic murder.
In less than a month, this family has gone through a young man's kidnapping and murder, an uncle's death, a grandson being born, and another uncle's murder. S was telling me how then can't comprehend what's happening. It's just coming from left and right. But with all that, she doesn't complain. May God give them patience and strength in these horrible times.

God Works in Wonderful Ways

2007-05-11T16:31:00.000-05:00

Nine months ago, A's wife, B, became pregnant with their second child. 'A' is Bilal's brother.
Today, B gave birth to a healthy baby boy. They named him Bilal.
I remember listening to my sister in law chat with 'A' online a few weeks before Bilal's passing. We were asking him what names they had planned. At that time, we threw out a bunch of names, but they hadn't yet settled on one. After Bilal, it became almost a given that they would name their unborn son with his uncle's name.
May he grow up to follow in his uncle's footsteps, and may he live a long, healthy, fruitful life. May he put some peace into his father and grandmother's torn hearts, and may he be a kurrat 3ayn for all of us.

Added: I forgot to mention that Bilal Sr. was the only one of his siblings born at home. The midwife who gave birth to him is the same one who gave birth to Bilal Jr.

Baby Girl #3 Born

2007-05-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

I wrote about my neighbors who were kidnapped more than seven months ago at this link. Two sons and a son in law were taken from their computer store, and until this day, go missing. The family lives in anguish about their fate every day, hearing rumors here and there that their sons are being held by the government. They are hoping that is the case, and not that their sons were murdered those many months ago. Of course we all hope that we can one day celebrate with them their sons' return.
Anyway, I also blogged a while ago about both daughters in law giving birth to their first children, who have yet to meet their fathers.
And now, the daughter of the family, Alyaa, whose husband was kidnapped at the same time as her brothers, has given birth to her second child, a girl; another child born not knowing her father. InshaAllah that is not the case for long. I wonder if the baby's father even knew that he was expecting another child.
I hope your daughter fills a void for you Alyaa, left by the disappearance of your two brothers and your husband. I know your heart is broken, and that everyday looking at your 21 month old son and your newborn daughter reminds you over and over again of your love, but I hope and pray that one day soon that void will be filled and your broken heart will be mended.

I Don't Know What To Call Baghdad Anymore...

2007-05-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

Everyday I talk to my husband on the phone or online, and everyday I shut the phone saddened and disgusted by the news I hear coming out of Baghdad. Last week my husband told me about a friend of his who was going through the ordeal of finding his two kidnapped brothers. Hubby told him to prepare for the worse. I used to tell my husband not to be so pessimistic, not to scare people, but I can't do that anymore. I see that truly everything coming out of Baghdad is bad news, as one of my commentators wrote. But of course I can't be that morbid, so I have to restate that and say, most everything coming out of Baghdad is bad news, really bad news.
Over the weekend, Muhannad found his brothers, in the city morgue. With signs of being badly tortured. I don't know what to say anymore... It's not a city and they aren't humans who do these things.
Excerpts of his story were printed in an Arabic online newspaper, Asharq alAwsat at this link.

Remembering Bilal...

2007-05-01T12:55:00.000-05:00

It's hard to think of Bilal as a memory, but I want to record some of my memories of him, to help stand the test of time.
When I remember Bilal, I see him, in his slight build, reminding me so much of my brother, standing over the stove top in the kitchen, tasting his mom's pot of stew. I see him hurrying us to the dinner table because he's so hungry from a hard day's work.
I see him smiling, always smiling that kind, nice smile.
I see him carrying my Sumy and playing with her. He was one of the few guy's she wasn't scared of, one of the few guys who escaped her stranger anxiety. I see him taking her outside for a stroll, throwing her up into the air. I see her smiling and loving him.
I see him from my balcony walking off to university with his books tucked under his arms, in his button down shirt and gray pants.
I see him sitting at his computer, downloading the latest anasheed. Bilal and 'A' always loved a good nasheed.
I remember him on Friday afternoons, when we all gathered together for lunch. After an early morning playing soccer, praying jum'a, and eating lunch, he'd bring out his small mattress, throw it down in the living room in front of the TV, and watch a bit of TV with us, then snooze off for a bit of zzzz's. Ever so comfortably, one hand under his head, with his little brother lying next to him.
I remember once when you drove your mom and me to the shopping center in Mansour, ya Bilal. Khala N and I were doing our own shopping and you were walking around on your own. Then you came and took Sumy off my hands. When I joined you a few minutes later, you had bought her this cute winter hat, blue and black, with a little teddy bear on it, and a matching scarf. You had dressed her in it, and bought a matching set for your niece. I thought that was the cutest thing, and I saved that cute hat, till I left Baghdad this last time. I gave it away with a bunch of things Sumy had outgrown. I wish I had kept it.
I remember how you grew so much in the three years I spent in Baghdad as your neighbor. You grew from a quiet, shy high school student to a student leader in college. I remember when you were studying in your senior year to get into the college of your choice. Your grades weren't as high as your brother and sister, but you just barely made it in the College of Media and Journalism, the college of your choice. The college from which you were later kidnapped, with guards standing around, watching and doing nothing. Alhamdulillah.
I remember war stories that you guys told us about this last war, four years ago, when you were seventeen years old. Two main memories stand out. In one of them, your sister told me how her fiancee had been away for a few days. You guys hadn't heard from him in a while, got worried about him, especially since he lived in a targeted area. You rode out on your bike, holding a white flag in your hand (and I think you were all dressed in white), to keep you safe from any bullets, rockets or bombs. You rode out a good distance, a good 12 minute car drive, on your bike, in the height of the war. Alhamdulillah, you came home safely that time.
I remember the story you guys told us once and again, your most vivid memory of the war. Something no teenager, no human being should have to experience. (My readers, if you have a weak stomach, please don't read the next paragraph). You and your brother and some friends heard that Yarmouk Hospital had no electricity and there were so many dead bodies in the morgue. Someone had to bury them soon, especially with no electricity for the fridges. You guys went out, and took the bodies from the morgue, buried them in a large grave. You were telling us how that was the most horrific experience. Bodies were decomposing, falling apart in your hands when you were moving them. Maggots and worms were crawling all over them. Except for that one guy... And the smell, the smell that did not leave your noses for days. 'A' told us how while you guys were moving the corpses, looters were ascending on the hospital, taking everything they could. Yall had to threaten them, yell at them to have some respect for the place they were in. I remember you guys telling that story, shaking your heads with the horror of it. I remember the look in your eyes, that faraway look of having experienced something that I could never fully understand, never fully imagine. May God reward you for what you guys did, the small part that you guys tried to do, to keep some sanity and order in your homeland.
Most importantly, I will always remember how you are a central part of our little family circle in Baghdad. I can't yet imagine a dinner table without you sitting there with us.
Allah has given you rest from the craziness that Baghdad has descended to. May you dwell in a much better place than we can ever imagine.

In Memory of Bilal

2007-04-23T15:50:00.000-05:00

I sat with my sister in law yesterday, and we replayed some of our memories of Bilal. Surprisingly, it made us smile, not cry. Here's a small tribute written by Bilal's cousin in law, a young doctor who knew Bilal well (edited to maintain some anonymity). I'm doing this more for myself than for anyone else, to remember. I apologize to my non-Arabic readers.

طوبى بلال

خواطر ملتهبة، في عهد الازدهار الديمقراطي في عراقنا الجريح !!.. في رثاء الاخ الحبيب (بلال) ابن لعشرين* ربيعا.. الذي اختطفته يد المليشيات المجرمة من حرم كلية... بجامعة .. ليعثر عليه بعد اربعة ايام شهيدا في دائرة الطب العدلي ببغداد....

تقبله الله بواسع رحمته...

هذه الخواطر تشبه مسيرة بلال الشهيد بمسيرة الصحابي الجليل بلال بن رباح رضي الله عنه وارضاه...

* * * *

في عتمة الليل البهيم ،

وتصارع الأضداد في دنيا الوحوش..

قلبٌ يلوّعه الحنين..

للخلد، للجنات، للحق المبين..

وعزيمة مضاء تأبى تستكين..

تصرخ في أذن الزنيم،

رغم سياط الحاقدين:

أحدٌ ... أحدْ !!

* * *

طوبى بلال...

قد كنت تهتف صادحا :

أن لا إله سوى الأحد..

وأن الخلد طريقه، لما يزل إلى الأبد

دوماً مورَّد...

بالشوك، بالآلام، بعذاب السجون..

بجهاد المخلصين..

ودموع العارفين..

وبأكوام النعوش!!!

* * *

طوبى بلال...

قد كنتَ تحرس فكرةً..

قد كنتَ تنشر دعوةً..

قد كنتَ ترفع راية ً،

شماء تعلوها النقوش..

بأن دين الله لا يغلبه أبداً .. أحدْ

* * *

طوبى بلال...

أسرتَ قلوب العاشقين..

تيـَّـمت كل الحائرين...

حتى إذا أزف الرحيل،

وأتممتَ ذا الدور الجليل..

لم يجف دمعٌ بعين فردْ !! ⁽¹⁾

* * *

طوبى بلال...

أنعم بـ (إبن رباح) قائدَ للطريق..

وبـ (سلة الرمضان) ⁽²⁾ تمسح كل ضيق..

ذي (المرتقى) ⁽³⁾ الوسناء، تبكي ذا الرفيق..

(باب المعظم) ⁽⁴⁾ مغلقٌ، حَـزَناً على الأدب الرقيق..

تبكيك حتى (...) ⁽⁵⁾ ، بل كل أعضاء (الفريق) ⁽⁶⁾...

كفكفتَ كل دموعهم..

وكتبتَ بالقاني الثمين..

واضحا.. وبلا رتوش :

(عجلت للمولى الكريم ،

شوقاً إلى البر الرحيم،

عجلت للفرد الصمد...

أحدٌ ... أحدْ !! )

23/ نيسان/2007

اشارة الى الاذان الاخير الذي رفعه بلال بن رباح قبل وفاته والذي ابكى الجميع وقتها.
مشروع (سلة رمضان) .. حملة خيرية رائدة تبنتها رابطة الطلبة والشباب العراقية بتوزيع الآف السلات الغذائية على المتعففين في عموم العراق.. وقد كان لبلال قصب السبق في اعداد وتنفيذ هذا المشروع..
جريدة طلابية كان بلال يديرها ويزينها بمقالاته وكتاباته
مجمع باب المعظم من جامعة بغداد..
فريق كرة القدم

* Actually, turned 21 yrs old three weeks ago.

Day Six: Bilal's Burial

2007-04-22T19:02:00.000-05:00

'A's friend brought Bilal's body to his family today, because its dangerous for Sunni men to pick their dead up from the city morgue. They washed his body and prepared it for burial in our house. This might sound morbid to some people, but for me, I feel that my house has been honored by having this shaheed cleansed in it. They prayed the janazah prayer in another neighbor's yard.
Bilal had been in the morgue for three days, but not in a fridge, because the morgue had run out of space. He had no smell coming from him. InshaAllah, that is a sign that he is a shaheed, accepted by Allah. He has a smile on his face. Looks very serene and comfortable. Like he has rested from this world's burdens. I saw his picture. He is beautiful and shining.
His mother is holding up well. She's tough. She told us that she's patient on the outside, but her heart is burnt up on the inside, torn asunder. She told us that when she saw him, she kissed him and told him how much she missed him. She told him, "You don't have to study anymore, your finished with your college studies." And it seemed like he smiled. Then she told him, " And you are a shaheed- a martyr," and it seemed as if he smiled even more. Allahumma taqabbalahu.
They took him to bury him next to his grandfather, in a cemetary near Abu Ghraib- a very dangerous area to travel to now. My husband told me there were masked men with kalashinkovs along the way, with arbitrary check ups set up. My mother in law was afraid for them making this journey, but alhamdulillah, they came back safely. And Bilal was left behind buried under the ground. In a much better place.
I have a picture of his older brother, 'A', sitting near his grave, pondering at the ground. It's such a moving picture. It shakes me to see 'A' so sober, so worn out; 'A' who is always laughing, making jokes.
It's been six days, and the ordeal is finally over. Six hellish days. A week ago we never imagined that a week later we'd be left with broken hearts.

Day Five: Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon: To God We Belong and To Him We Will Return

2007-04-21T20:59:00.001-05:00

I don't feel like writing this post, but at the same time, I want to record this history down for my daughters and myself to remember.
They killed Bilal on Thursday, April 19, 2007. His body was found today, Saturday, April 21, 2007. He was shot in his arms, chest and head. He is our martyr. May God accept him.
We're worn out by our tears and sadness. But what I'm feeling is nothing compared to what his poor mother is living through now and what she will face the rest of her days.
She was very patient when I spoke to her today. But she hasn't seen him yet. Tomorrow they will cleanse him and bury him next to his grandfather. Tomorrow she will see him. But she will have closure, alhamdulillah.
His younger sister sounded so different on the phone, I didn't recognize her. His older sister cried and told me, "He was the best of youth. He truly was a man whose heart was attached to the masjid. He truly is a youth who grew up fee ta'at illah."
At night, his mom told my sister in law, "I miss him so much. Khattiyya, he's there (in the morgue) by himself. I miss him. I just want to hold him and kiss him and kiss him." Aaaakkhh, Khalei.
My husband made me cry and cry. When you hear a man quiet, sobered with pent up tears, you cry.
There's so much to say. But I can't concentrate now. Remember him in your prayers, always. I will remember you in my prayers, always, ya Bilal. Our Bilal. Our martyr.

Hoping for Bilal: Day Four

2007-04-20T13:55:00.000-05:00

My heart is heavy and I don't want to write this. I thought almost for sure that by today I would be writing good news. Bilal is still not home. The family has basically accepted his fate. But there's always hope, until a body is found. There's always hope, even if the mind knows otherwise.
Tomorrow his brother, father, uncles, and cousin (my husband) will go search for his body in the city morgue. Please make duaa that he comes home safe and sound.
I spoke with Aunt N, didn't know what to say to her. She was crying telling me, "Bas areed aghsha'u, bas areed aghsha'u...hatta law....". "All I want is to see him, all I want is to see him... even if... all I want is to see him." Aaaah ya Khala N, I hope you see him well and alive.
Please pray for him.

Waiting for Bilal: Day Three

2007-04-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

They paid the ransom today, at a designated place, unspecified till they arrived in a general location. Our neighbor, (father of two sons and a son in law kidnapped more than six months ago, and still missing) insisted on taking the ransom to the evil people. I'll give you more details later.
But basically, Bilal is still not home. The money was delivered noon time in Baghdad, and its now almost three am, and he's still not home. The biggest fear is that they took the money and the kid's life.
Bilal's uncle and my husband drove around separately today, in an area they thought he might be in. But he wasn't there. Basically with these kidnappings, as has happened in the past, the ransom is paid, and the kidnapped is released in a separate location, away from anyone's eyes. You pay the money with the hope that your loved one comes home safe and sound. Many hours later, usually later that day, your loved one finds his way home, with the help of strangers. That's what happened with our two other relatives who were kidnapped.
The family is frantic, depressed now. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts.

Crying for Bilal: Day Two

2007-04-18T15:37:00.000-05:00

It turns out that Aunt N wasn't the one who answered her son's frantic call, but his ten year old brother, Ch. Ch picked up his mom's cell phone and heard Bilal screaming, "Wal, Ch tell mama they are taking me, they kidnapped me, leave me alone, leave me alone. Let me go!" Ten years old and having to live through this!
Anyways, the kidnappers called again today, and restated their demands for $25,000. Bilal's brother, A, started out at $12,000, telling them they couldn't pay more than that, but he quickly climbed up to $20,000. When I was in Baghdad during his two other relatives' kidnappings, A was doing the negotiations then. He was tough, he held hard to a much lower number than what the kidnappers were demanding. His sister screamed at him for putting her husband in a position of being killed, but he held hard, and it paid off in the end.
But with his own brother, he couldn't stay tough. My husband was telling me that A has been crying for his brother, and just melted in front of the negotiators. One day into it, and he couldn't hold out. After this call, a relative took the next call, and they agreed to paying $22,500. That's US dollars! It's more than Bilal's family can afford in their lifetimes, but if Bilal comes out safely, it's worth it. Anyways, hopefully tomorrow, inshaAllah, they will agree on the place of payment. Until Bilal is safe in their hands, no one can trust these kidnappers. So until then, we need everyone's prayers for his safety.
My hubby was telling me how tense it is in the house (he's staying at his aunt's, at Bilal's house). Everyone is screaming at each other. When my husband insisted that they stick to paying $12,000, before they had come to an agreement, his aunt yelled at him, "They'll kill Bilal." It's scary for everyone, because they're basically bartering for their son/brother's life. Maybe their insistence on a lower sum will save them thousands of dollars, and maybe it will kill their loved one. It's kind of funny, but Iraqi families have started talking about what they would do in the case of a kidnapping. My husband told me long ago, should anything happen to him, not to ever pay more than $10,000. I always tell him, whatever, but when it comes down to it, everyone loses their minds. Bilal's brother, A, was always the smooth, smart negotiator. But when it touched him directly in his home, in his heart, he melted. Aaakkhh.
Bilal has been sleeping in the same bedroom with my husband for the past month (a displaced family was staying at our house). Last night, my husband couldn't sleep, was emotional all night. He kept on thinking that Bilal was in the bed behind him, as he has been every night. But then he would realize that Bilal was in a cold, dark, uncomfortable place. Kaan Allah fee '3awnak ya Bilal, wa fakka 'asrak, wa raddaka ilayna saaliman ghaniman. Aameen.
InshaAllah, tomorrow, I will have good news to write.

Crying for Bilal

2007-04-17T15:04:00.000-05:00

Today I had to write this post. I've been away for so long, feeling myself a bit distanced from the events happening in Baghdad. But these past few weeks, ever since my husband went back to Baghdad, event after event have touched too close for comfort, bringing me back, by no choice of mine, to Baghdad and its misery.
Today I shed my first real tears for Baghdad. Every day my heart cries for what's happening there, but today my eyes joined my heart in sadness.
Today I found out that Bilal was kidnapped from university. Yes, his name is Bilal, not B, because the world has to know this good boy's name. My husband called me earlier today and told me the bad news. His cousin, Bilal, went to his university, Baghdad University (Bab Mua'dham campus), for an exam. A while later, his mom got a call, the call that every mother dreads, from Bilal himself. He was screaming into the phone, "they got me, they got me," and yelling at his kidnappers at the same time. I can only guess what my dear aunt in law is living through right now, recalling that call over and over in her head.
Bilal is not only a cousin to my husband and me. He's our neighbor in Baghdad, living two doors away. He's the kid who came over all the time, and the one who we visited all the time, at his parents' house. He played with my then one year old, carried her around with him when he went out, took videos of her entertaining the family. He came over to our house when we were out and needed someone to sit with the workers fixing the house. He's the one we sent on odd errands.
The other day, I heard my father speaking on the phone to a guy named Bilal, another Bilal. I don't know why my heart grew nostalgic for this kid, for my cousin in law, as if I knew no other Bilal in the world. As if the name only belongs to him. Maybe my heart felt something.
Please make duaa' for him. Please pray for him and his family.

UPDATE: The kidnappers called his family and asked for $200,000. A few hours later, they downgraded it to $25,000. Bilal's brother is hoping to bring it down even more, the next time they call. It's reassuring that they are asking for a ransom, and that they seem pretty desperate for quick cash. May Allah protect him.
When I spoke to his mom today, all she could tell me was, 'He always told me his friends loved him, and would never hurt him. He never gave me their names or numbers; I don't know who to talk to." Apparently at school, the Sunni students have stopped attending university, b/c its been taken over by Sadrists. And likely that's who kidnapped Bilal. A friend sold him out to the Mahdi 'army', as a Sunni student on campus, for a small share of the profits. Sad world.

Our Snow Baby

2007-03-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

We were blessed with our second daughter, Shifaa, on February 25, 2007 at 6:05 am, towards the beginning of a snow/ice storm. She weighed 8 lbs 3 ozs and was 21 inches long. Big sister Sumy is not yet sure what she thinks of the new addition. :)

Finally, Some Good News

2007-02-14T13:02:00.000-05:00

My good friend's brother in law, who was kidnapped almost a month ago, was released a couple of days ago for a $60,000 ransom. I'm so happy for his 20 year old wife, and his two young daughters (three years old and three months old). After two weeks of not hearing anything of him, we expected that he was going to become another statistic, but alhamdulillah, that was not the case.
Now, his family has to search around for a way to pay back the whopping $60,000 ransom that they borrowed from various friends and relatives to save their son's life. As with so many Iraqis in their shoes, there's a sense of complete relief at having him home alive, and a feeling of being so burdened by this sum of money, which if they worked all their lives, they might still not be able to pay it off.

Where Weddings are No More

2007-02-05T11:13:00.000-05:00

My cousin in law is the fourth of four sisters, the last one left at home in Adhamiya after her other sisters have left Baghdad- two for Syria, one in Mosul. Hiba has been engaged now for about six months to a man from Mosul. Yesterday on the phone with my grandmother in law, I found out that Hiba's fiancee is coming next week to take her to her new home, with no wedding party to celebrate their marriage.
Adhamiya has become too dangerous for any type of celebration to occur, too dangerous for cousins to visit cousins and aunts to visit nieces and celebrate with them. With rockets and mortars raining down on them daily, all Hiba can hope for is to leave her father's home in one piece. Perhaps then she can celebrate her marriage in Mosul with her in-laws. Without her sisters, her parents or dear grandmother.

Who's Next?-UPDATE

2007-01-26T11:12:00.000-05:00

It bothers me to constantly report bad news coming out from Baghdad, but that's the harsh reality that people are living through there. Last week, when my husband wrote me about his encounter with a poor corpse in the street, he also informed me of another friend's kidnapping.
This time, my good friend's brother in law was kidnapped from in front of his house in Ghazaliya, with his wife and friend helplessly looking on. Its been almost ten days, with no news of this young man. No news is not good news in Iraq.
I remember seeing his young wife a couple of days before I left Baghdad, with her husband and their new 2 month old daughter, and their older three year old daughter. At that time, she had no idea what was being hidden for her in her future. Now she waits for news, dead or alive of her husband. May God be with her and her family.
Every time something like this hits close to home, it makes me wonder who's next. It makes me hope that God saves my husband and family from such evil and horror. Because in the end, it seems to be such a random game, targeting anyone and anything. You just pray and hope that it doesn't touch you in the center of your heart and home.

UPDATE: The kidnappers have contacted the family, which is a good sign, and are demanding a one million dollar ransom(!). The family obviously doesn't have that kind of money, so they are in the process of negotiating a lower ransom for his life.

Driving in Baghdad

2007-01-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

In the last months before I left Baghdad, seeing dead bodies thrown in the street became a regular aspect of life for many people. Thankfully, I was spared this horrific scene. My husband was telling me about his horrible experience the other day, while driving to work. He told me that his driver lost it when he almost ran over the unfortunate soul thrown in the middle of the street, exclaiming that he was leaving this country where a human had no more worth. Here are some of my husband's thoughts on this horrific scene:

"You know you got me thinking....it is sad that a country can stoop so low so as to not even bother burying its dead...it is sad that someone can be stripped of humanity to the degree of killing someone in cold blood and instead of hiding their heinous crime they display it on the streets for all to see....it is sad that we have reached a low where the killer knows not why he killed, and the killed knows not why he was killed....it is sad that in the West an animal is given the respect and dignity of being buried whilst a human being is simply dumped in the middle of the road for all to see....the saddest thing is that we have all lost the courage to stand up to the barbarians and say this is wrong. We are therefore all to blame as we drive by all detesting and no one protesting it....

As I drove to work this morning also (a few days after seeing the first body), a body was dumped right in front of (our neighborhood) bakery, his hands bound and a bag placed over his head. This man was probably a father, a son, a husband to someone who will not only not know the fate of their loved one but may not be able to bury them and go visit them in death."

Signs of a Dying City IV

2007-01-07T14:54:00.000-05:00

Can't Even Say Good-Bye

I wasn't fully moved by 24's post on a cousin leaving Baghdad until a similar situation happened in our family. Just about the time I was looking for a flight out of Baghdad, I heard the news that Aunt W and her family were leaving Baghdad for Syria. I was shocked by that news.
Aunt W has always been a cornerstone in the family. It was at her house that we spent our first weeks in Baghdad while we were looking for a place of our own; it was at her house that the family gathered for Eid celebrations; it was at her house that we went to chill when we needed a change of pace. She was the one who mainly took care of my grandmother in law, who drove her around, made sure her needs were met. And in early December 2006, we got the call that she had finally had it; they were leaving their beloved homeland and families within a matter of days.
Aunt W lived at the border of Adhamiya/Seleikh. The final straw for them came after the Sadr City car bombings, when the family got numerous calls from friends to leave their home, who feared for their safety against reprisal attacks. Aunt W had already faced having her husband's office damaged by a nearby bomb, had faced having a son arrested by the Iraqi army, had seen numerous friends' husbands and sons disappear and die. The only thing she could think of was being slaughtered in her own home. She could take no more.

What is so significant about this story is two things. First of all, that people who are so settled in their homes, in their lands, are forced to leave is a huge misfortune and hardship. Imagine right now that you have to leave your comfortable, newly furnished house in Anytown, USA because suddenly, it isn't safe to live there anymore. What do you do with your home? You can't sell it for a profit, you can't sell your furniture for a profit; everyone else is leaving town, and no one wants to buy. You end up losing everything, and moving to a new, unknown world, with no friends, no relatives. It's difficult.

The other thing that struck me about Aunt W's leaving is that we could not even say our goodbyes to her. The situation has become so bad in Baghdad, that many people are choosing not to travel to different parts of the city, fearing for their lives. We couldn't hold a farewell party for her, we couldn't even drop by for five minutes of goodbyes. One day, she just up and left Baghdad, after making her phone calls to her sisters, mother, nieces and nephews.
And the same thing happened with me when I left Baghdad. In the summer time, when I came to the States for a visit, I made my rounds to the relatives, for a short goodbye. This time around, when I will likely not go back for a long while, I could not make those rounds. I could not visit our grandmother in Adhamiya to bid her farewell; and I don't know when I will next see her, if I will ever see her again.
The best summary of the situation there was seen in the eyes of my 25 year old cousin in law, who travelled with me by airplane from Iraq to Amman. She has also left the country, to complete her medical studies in Jordan. In the car, on the way to the airport, she sat with her 8 month old daughter in her hands, wiping silent tears from her eyes. She was saying goodbye to her beloved family, and to her beloved Baghdad, which had been so changed by this last war. She did not know when she would next see her Baghdad, and she did not know what it would be like next time she saw it.
Farewell Baghdad, from all your loving countrymen.

Washington Post Article on Childbirth in Iraq

2007-01-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

I read this Washington Post article on the childbirth situation in Iraq ("Iraq's Woes are Adding Major Risks to Childbirth"). I thought it was pretty much on the spot, and related very much to my entry from a couple of weeks ago.

Happy Eid

2006-12-30T08:45:00.000-05:00

I wanted to wish everyone a joyful Eid Al Adha and a happy holiday season.

I'm happy to be celebrating here with my family, the first time in four years. But my heart feels for my family in Iraq, which has been reduced to three families living in three different, dangerous parts of Baghdad. There will be no family gathering this Eid.

On the subject of Saddam Hussein, I still can't believe that they hung him on the first day of Eid. Quite distasteful, quite blood-thirsty, very wrong. Like they're handing him over on a gold plate to one group of Iraqis, and completely throwing the plate in the faces of the others. Making Eid a double Eid for some, and a bloody Eid for the others. So wrong.

Signs of a Dying City III

2006-12-25T11:57:00.000-05:00

Doctor Shortage
So, I'm finally settled down here in my parents' house, have been for almost a week now. Why did I suddenly leave Baghdad? It's actually because I'm expecting my second child in a couple more months, and I'm a bit too spoiled to deliver a child in Baghdad's hospital system. Here's just some info on what the health system is like there now:

When I went back to Baghdad in October, I looked up my old doctor to go see her. She had received a threat from some unknown groups, stopped practicing, and was looking to leave the country. I looked up a few other doctors I knew, and the same story was repeated each time, "Misafra"- 'she's travelling.' I knew of four different young women, all well into their pregnancies, who were receiving no prenatal care, because their doctors had stopped practicing or left the country. One of those women has since given birth to a healthy girl, the other one is expecting any day now. Again, all without any prenatal care.

This seems to be the new trend in Baghdad. So many middle-class citizens are leaving the country because of the situation. And so many of these are doctors. Not only are they leaving because of the bombs and kidnappings around them, but because alot of these assassinations and kidnappings are targetting Iraq's educated men and women, especially doctors. It's a sad situation which is leaving people with few choices. Iraq's hospitals, which were in a sad position during the embargo years, seem to have slipped even further into third-world status, with few good doctors sticking around.

Wada'an Baghdad

2006-12-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

My daughter and I have said our good-byes to Baghdad. We're in Amman for a few short days, and then heading home to my family in the States. I'll post again when I'm settled.

Signs of a Dying City II

2006-12-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

Deteriorating Education System, (to say the least):

This whole school year has been a joke so far, with students attending less than half of the normal school days (curfews, security situation, etc). But I think the greatest bomb of all was dropped this past week on college students who still held out hope of finishing the school year.
I saw my neighbor 'U', a senior at Baghdad University, outside our house today. Neither her nor her brother had attended university today. Apparently, a 'warning' has been given to college students not to attend university for the rest of the school year, as certain students would be targetted for their affiliation with 'death squads' and different militias. Following is a rough translation of the letter, which has been circulating by email and left at different locations. I also heard that large signs around town are announcing this 'news'.
The problem here is not whether or not this letter is authentic, but that it is able to hold power over students and professors alike. 'U' was telling me that she attended university the first couple of days of this week (with knowledge of the threat), but few other students or professors (!) attended. People are scared, and they are taking heed of this lawless group's ridiculous demands. Chaos at its best.

Translation:
To our dear teachers and students at all Baghdad universities and colleges
Final Warning:
In order to protect your blood from the crimes committed by the Maliki government and its death squads... these death squads which have killed, murdered and targeted especially the Sunni students and professors... It is at these universities that the death squads have found a safe haven from which to carry out their attacks against ahlul Sunnah. From these universities scholars and warriors graduated, and at these same places they are being killed.
For this reason, we have decided ... to cancel the rest of the 2006-2007 school year for undergraduate and graduate students at all Baghdad universities and colleges (!!!)... to (1.) protect the blood of our scholars and students and (2.) to purify these institutions from all death squads. We will not be satisfied until we have brought security to them. Elementary, middle and high school students, as well as college students outside of Baghdad are not included in this decision (!).
For this reason, we ask our Sunni and Shiite (those who do not belong to any party) professors and students to avoid attending university completely for the rest of this school year for their protection. We give them three days to finish any business they have at their universities... We know that not attending institutions of knowledge is a painful ordeal, but the killing and murder of scholars is more painful. We also know that Sunni students and professors, as well as the Shiite 'commoners' will heed this warning... .
...
Today we will avenge our scholars. ... We will choose the time and place to attack you, in your homes, and on your beds and in your schools... You will continue to live in fear until your time comes... We hope that this school year does not end until we have destroyed each one of you (death squad/militia members).
We repeat our words to all Sunnis and to whoever desires to save himself; stay away from the death squads and militias, which have taken universities as their safe haven. Leave the battle to wage between us.
Ansar al Sunnah Group

Again, I don't know how authentic this letter is, I don't know if someone is playing a sad joke on Baghdad or not, I don't know if someone is trying to 'frame' this group or not, but I do know that this letter has had its effect on Baghdad university students. Even if they decide to ignore it and go to class, they find that no one else is attending, neither student nor teacher. Measures need to be taken to bring security to these institutions, or Baghdad will slowly die through the destruction of its coming generation of scholars.

Signs of a Dying City I

2006-12-03T12:55:00.000-05:00

I hate describing Baghdad as a dying city, but that's truly the feeling that passes through me as I drive down the streets of this once busy city. I took these pictures on different Saturday afternoons, all during the past month or so. This was once (not very long ago), one of the busiest streets in Baghdad, the 14th of Ramadan Street in the Mansour area. Now, as you drive down this street in the middle of the day, at least three fourths of the shops are closed down! Only a random store here and there opens, and some of them open for just a few hours, closing down by 1 or 2 pm. It was really sad for me especially during Eid season to drive down this street (and others in Baghdad) and to find it looking like a ghost town.
Shop owners have either been threatened to shut down, killed for opening, or felt the danger of opening shop with an army search point parked in front of their stores (attracts car bombs/ etc). Business has come to a halt and many of these merchants have left town.

Baby #2 Born

2006-11-29T05:05:00.000-05:00

Baby girl #2, daughter of the second kidnapped brother, was born two days ago. Her and her mother are doing well, as well as the wife and daughter of a kidnapped father/husband can be. I dreamt last night that Bushra saw her husband in the steet the other day, and she told him that his first born had come to the world two days ago. He told her, "I'll be back really soon, next week"- and then went away. I hope this dream comes true, and that I can rejoice with his family over his return. Aameen.

LIving Under (an Unexpected) Curfew

2006-11-26T13:37:00.000-05:00

The curfew, which has lasted three days, is supposed to be lifted tomorrow (Monday) morning. Here are some notes on what it's like living through an unexpected curfew.

* First day into it, "Aww man, wish it was on a work day, not a weekend."
* Dinner invitations cancelled, cousin's catered lunch gone to waste.
* Another cousin's long-awaited trip to Egypt cut short by curfew/airport closing.
* Second day into it: Notice you're running out of bread, milk, eggs and veggies.
* Running out of diesal/gas for the generator. Weren't we supposed to fuel up a couple of days ago?
* Start taking stock of all your stored foods: dried lentils/beans, frozen peas, canned goods. Start baking bread/pancakes for breakfast/supper.
* Hang out with neighbors.
* Neighborhood guys get together for a loooong tournament of computer FIFA.
* Last night for supper, cook spaghetti with hotdogs (not me, thankfully).
* Third day into curfew (when walking outside is allowed), rush home from from neighborhood store. A nearby neighborhood is rumoured to be under attack by militiamen.
Throughout the three days of curfew, hear explosions every day. Hmmm... how is that happening?

Once Again...Curfew

2006-11-24T09:55:00.001-05:00

After yesterday's crazy events in Sadr City, with 5 car bombs (three effective) and more than 200 deaths, Baghdad is once again under curfew, until further notice.

Wise Words... and Words for the Wise

2006-11-23T09:51:00.000-05:00

I've gotten a few comments, not many, but a few which fully blame the Iraqi people for what is happening here today, considering them endemically violent, blood-thirsty, backwards people. In fact, one of the worst comments I got was when I compared the situation after Hurricane Katrina to that in Iraq, "Arab behavior is completely unconscionable in Western eyes. Arabs are subhuman."
I know many people are confused about why this craziness is only happening here in Iraq, even Iraqis themselves. One of my cousins in law, who was born and raised here in Baghdad, and has lived here all her life always says, "This is happening to us because 'ihna ma khuush 'awaadim (we Iraqis are not good people)".
But I was reminded by one of our good neighbors, whose wise words always interest my husband and I, of what is really happening here. During one of our visits to the family of our kidnapped neighbors, he was trying to lighten their parents' mood. He said, "What is happening in Iraq today is plain and simple, it's hysteria. There's no other way to describe the craziness here. You can't have a nation of people go through more than thirty years of war, tyranny and embargoes, and then act normally when they are given 'freedom.' What is happening today is a state of mass hysteria. Unexplainable any other way."
He went on to say, "But throughout Iraqi history, whenever we thought we were nearing the bottom, relief would come. During the war against Iran, when we thought we would be invaded, the war ended. During the '91 bombing by the Americans and their allies, when we thought we'd be buried alive, the war ended. And today, when we've reached such a point of dreariness, hopefully relief is near." I hope your words are right, Dr. A.
Its important for the world to realize that Iraqis have been through so much, and that what is happening here today is not because they are inherently violent. I leave you with another of the insightful comments I received, a good summary of the problem here, and a look into possible solutions for the problem:
1. Regarding Iraq, please note that Iraqi society is one composed of 3-4 distinct generations of people. These generations generally were born between the periods of 1945-1990. If you take a look at Iraq's history spanning these dates you will notice that the society has undergone one violent revolution after another. It did not have a quiet period of development save maybe the mid 1970's when Iraq was heading toward a period of great prosperity, then Saddam attacked Iran, and that war persisted until 1988 two years later he invaded Kuwait the result of which was a decade of crippling sanctions and hardship on Iraqi society. The point I am trying to reach is that these generations know nothing but violence, revolution, hardship, and warfare. It cannot be expected that they somehow turn a new leaf and simply embrace democracy forgetting their encumbrances.

2. Those advising the US during the 1990s and towards the buildup to the war were people who had been living outside of Iraq for decades and had no idea about the reality of Iraqi society and its social fabric. They convinced the Administration of certain false premises which led to the unrecoverable policy mistakes and eventually the bad situation we are in today.

3. To say that not enough people are speaking up against militias is to truly not understand the dangers that these militias pose to civilians in Iraq. To cite an example, during the past elections one of my friends voted for the Shia religious list even though I know he is secular, when I asked him why he said that if he did not do it he would be divorced forcefully from his wife and would be excommunicated. On another occasion right in front of me, a member of parliament threatened an Iraqi Brigadier General with militia retribution. It is in the interest of the religious parties to not have a reconcilition or they will lose their basic support.

And from another comment:
...With all of that in mind, how do you resolve this problem? I believe it will take a few bold steps:
1. Close the border with Iran and Syria and literally threaten Iran with extreme military retaliation if the situation in Iraq does not improve.
2. Clamp down militarily on the most problematic militia (Jaysh Al-Mehdi) kill or arrest the field commanders and senior leadership. Once that happens the other militias will take heed. This will require US and Iraqi lives but it must happen.
3. Change the present government. The problem is when parties are above the law because of their militias they are not prone to compromise, force them to when they no longer have their militias and Iraq will be a different place today.
4. Threaten immediate US withdrawal and the parties will all compromise because the Sunnis have more to gain from a civil war than the Shia do.
5. Give Sunnis a reason to go against Alqaeda and other extremists. Presently they are seen as the only solution to US and Shia agression against them.
6. Change the posture in Anbar, let the Sunnis feel that the US is not against them.

Car Bomb in Green Zone-Update

2006-11-21T09:46:00.000-05:00

I just got news from someone working in the Green Zone that a car bomb went off in the heavily fortified Green Zone today. I haven't yet seen any news on it, so I'm not sure of the details. But all exits out of the Green Zone have been shut down, and any Iraqis trying to get out are stuck there for now.
It's a big deal for the American forces and Iraqi government that anyone was able to break through their tough security measures getting into the Green Zone. Let's see what happens.

UPDATE: The entry points into the Green Zone have been reopened and Iraqis living outside the Green Zone let out. Apparently one of the Speaker of the House's (Mahmoud al Mash-hadani) cars was rigged with three bombs, a small one set to set off two big ones. The small one went off, the others didn't, people in the car got out. No one hurt or killed.

Baby Girl Born

2006-11-20T06:28:00.000-05:00

I wrote about our neighbors who were kidnapped more than a month ago. On Saturday, the older son's wife gave birth to their first baby. The second son's wife is expecting any day now. There is still no news of the boys, dead or alive. May they live to see their children, and may this newborn girl have the chance to grow up under her father's caring wing.

Human Dignity

2006-11-19T13:04:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, we were gathered at our aunt's house. She was telling her niece from Adhamiya that she wanted to go gold shopping with her. 'L' said, "Sure, whenever you come over, I'll take you out. But I don't know if you'll be okay with all the corpses lying around, I've gotten used to them."
I was pretty shocked by her statement. So I asked her what she meant. 'L' is a 23 year old mother of two. She told me that next to her house it has become a dumping ground for corpses. Everyday, two or three dead bodies turn up a few steps from her gate. And they lie around for a couple of days before Iraqi security forces come and 'load them into the back of pick up trucks. People are too scared to report these dumpings. Sometimes you see just killed bodies, in the position they fell after being shot. '
She was telling me how one day they decided to take a different road when leaving their house so they wouldn't see any corpses. That didn't work, and her 3 1/2 year old son and 2 year old daughter were still exposed to these images.
I asked her if her son realized what he was seeing. She told me that he would go to his great grandmother's house and describe to her, 'the poor dead people' he saw in the street.
Wow, the horror of how cheap human life has become. To kill a person, and then dump him in any old place, not caring what happened to him. And to do it, day after day, without any security forces hunting you down- so wrong.

Shame

2006-11-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

One hundred and fifty Iraqi men kidnapped from a Higher Education Ministry government building in the light of day, by men in Iraqi security uniforms. All I can say is what a sham of a government, where criminals feel secure doing this in the light of day, assured that no one will stop them. One hundred and fifty men.
'3arun 3alaykum ya Iraqi government.
To be able to wake up today still proud of your positions. And all Iraqi PM Maliki can say to defend himself is that this is "not terrorism but the result of a conflict between militias belonging to this side or that." Outrageous.

Forced Migration II: Story of a Shiite

2006-11-13T04:10:00.000-05:00

Pictures of one of many abandoned vegetable stands in our district; the result of the forced migration policy being carried out. Shiite veggie sellers, fish grillers, trash collectors and mechanics were killed over the summer in our area.

A few weeks ago, Cousin 'E' was telling me how her grandfather's house is now overcrowded with different aunts and uncles who have moved back in, after being 'forced' out of their homes. Cousin 'E' is the daughter of a Shiite father and a Sunni mother who live in Amiriya. Since conditions have worsened in Amiriya, E's father has left the neighborhood and moved back in with his mother (without his daughters and wife [school]). Along with E's father, her paternal aunt has also moved out of her Amiriya home, back in with her mother. This is the part of her story which shocked me:

E's aunt, A, was living in Amiriya for years, along with other Shiites and Sunnis. This past summer, while on vacation in Northern Iraq, she got news that her youngest brother had been brutally murdered in his store in Yarmouk, following the infamous Jihad District slaughter. His brothers (including E's father) found him lying dead in a pool of blood in the furthest corner of his store, as if he had been trying to escape the murderers' brutality.
Following this tragic murder, Aunt 'A' was warned not to return to her Amiriya home, which had become a mostly Sunni district. 'A' took her children and husband and moved into her mother's home. Every week or so, she would quietly go to her house to check up on it, without her husband, fearing for his safety. One of those weeks, she was warned by her neighbors not to come back, not even to check up on her home, because they could not guarantee her safety. She has not returned since.
Instead, she asked her Sunni sister in law, 'E's mother, to check up on her home. During her last visit there, E's mother was shocked to find a family 'occupying' her sister in law's house, having unhinged the doors to get into the different locked rooms. Not only that, but they had the audacity to ask her who she was and what she was doing there, instead of being apologetic about their actions. When she told them that the house belonged to her sister in law, they gave her a questioning look, like 'You're married to a Shiite?!'
She feared for her safety at that moment, and decided not to go back. But they were able to get that family out of the house, on the condition that they would rent it out immediately to a Sunni family. They were able to rent it out, but at a fraction of the price it should bring.
Now, 'E's mother and sisters are looking to move out of Amiriya, not because they are Shiites, but because their husband and father is. And because life has become almost unbearable there.

Diary of an Iraqi Traveller

2006-11-07T08:03:00.000-05:00

Our closest aunt and neighbor, a 45 year old mother of five, went on an Umrah trip to Mecca this past Ramadan. This is some of what she went through.

Ramadan 20: Umrah trip starts from Baghdad to Mecca. No direct flights to Saudi, so will drive to Damascus, Syria and take a plane from there. After a twenty four hour drive (should only be 12 hrs), arrive in Syria, a couple of days later, in Saudi. Two week trip extended to four weeks because of no return flights to Syria. Ran out of money, had to borrow.

Four weeks later:
Friday, November 3rd: Start return trip to Baghdad. Leave Medina around 5 pm for Jeddah. Arrive in airport around 9 pm. Flight leaves Saturday morning at 5 am. Spend the night in the airport.

Saturday, November 4th: Flight from Jeddah to Damascus rerouted to Halab because of cloudy conditions in Damascus. Spend three hours in the airplane in Halab, awaiting the weather to clear in Damascus. Weather clears, fly to Damascus. After landing, board buses for Baghdad.

Saturday, November 4th: Discover that a curfew has been imposed in Baghdad and other provinces of Iraq, borders closed. Trip leader decides that we stay in Syria until the curfew is lifted, so that we don't spend the night at the borders. Spend the night in a nice Syrian family's guest house.

Sunday, November 5th: Trip leader assumes that the curfew will be lifted by Monday morning. Leave Syria around 3 pm. Arrive at the border before night, but curfew has not been lifted. Spend an uncomfortable, cold night in the buses at the Iraqi border. No clean bathrooms around.

Monday, November 6th: Border is opened, and we travel towards Baghdad. Arrive at Abu Ghraib around 4:30 pm (about an hour from Baghdad). Curfew has not been lifted. Will have to spend the night in a small village in Abu Ghraib (no hotels around). Village tribal leaders divide us up amongst the different houses in the area, where we spend the night with a family we don't know. Much better than another cold night in the bus.

Tuesday, November 7th: Curfew has been lifted from Baghdad! Arrive home at 7:30 am, exhausted, but happy to finally be home. Home, sweet home, even if it is in Baghdad!

Saddam's Verdict

2006-11-05T10:04:00.000-05:00

Saddam Hussein was sentenced today, November 5th, 2006 to a verdict of death by hanging. Though the trial could hardly be called professional, and though the Iraqi prime minister 'predicted' before the trial this death sentence, he probably deserved it.
After the sentencing (and before it, actually), the Iraqiya channel showed scenes of Iraqis celebrating in the streets. I was a little surprised that in my neighborhood, and surrounding neighborhoods, there was no trace of celebration. I think if this had happened two years ago, people would have celebrated with their traditional gunfire celebrations. But now, with the situation as depressing as it is, and with the fear of repercussions from certain elements, people (sp. Sunnis) see this as another event in their life that is not helping make the situaiton in Baghdad better.
I think that it is necessary to emphasize that Sunnis were just as much harmed by Saddam's rule as Shiites and Kurds were. Our uncle in law had to flee the country during the last few years of Saddam's rule because a death sentence was out on him. He was only able to come back to his family and country because of Saddam's ousting. Another uncle was jailed for a few years and all his possessions were taken from him, for a fleeting word he said against the tyrant's regime. Others were killed and went missing. And all Iraqis, young and old, were affected by the crazy wars and sanctions that Saddam put them through.
Two years ago, when the trials against Saddam first started, people were excited about them and watched the proceedings intently. Aunt M, who's husband had been through so much because of Saddam's tyranny, would exclaim against that 'arrogant tyrant' and was constantly waiting for the guilty verdict to be announced. But today, after Iraqis have seen so much violence and death and horror, this guilty verdict brings just a little bit of justice into their lives. So much more needs to be fixed now.
How do I feel about it? I remember watching Saddam on TV when he was still in power, and to me he epitomized the Arabic word jabbar- arrogant, powerful tyrant- more than any other dictator ruler out there. Seeing him when he was caught and through out his trials, and today, was just so humbling. Going from so high up, from such power and arrogance and jabaroot to such an end, subhanaAllah, very humbling.
What else am I feeling? I'm seeing people turn this into a Sunni/Shiite clash, and that is not right. Like I mentioned before, everyone, Sunni/Shiite/Kurd, were affected by the former regime. But things have not gotten better since Saddam's days, to say the least, and many people here are just not celebrating.

Moving Account of Friends' Death

2006-11-01T04:19:00.000-05:00

I read the most moving account of death and destruction in Iraq yesterday. A while ago, Konfused Kid wrote about the death of four of his closest friends by a roadside bomb in Karradah. Read his account. It will make real for you the humanity of those killed in all these random acts of violence. He also made a tribute to them recently. I literally was haunted by their story all last night, couldn't sleep too well thinking of them. Allah yirhamhum and all those affected by this craziness.

Baby Talk

2006-11-01T03:55:00.000-05:00

My fifteen month old daughter's vocabulary now includes: tayyayah and tattataat.
During Eid, the neighborhood children throw around these firecrackers that make noise, those are called taqqaqaat. Suma watched the kids have their fun first hand, and enjoyed it with them. Now, whenever she hears gunshots or explosions, she shouts, "Tattataat."
And whenever she hears a helicopter flying above, she exclaims, " tayyayah" as in the arabic "tayyarah" for airplane.

Forced Migration I: Story of a Sunni Family

2006-10-30T08:46:00.000-05:00

When I left Baghdad towards the end of June, kidnapping, murder, exploding bombs were all a very regular part of the Baghdad landscape. Forced migration or 'sectarian cleansing' was not. It was still in its beginning steps. When I came back in October, this forced migration had become a very regular part of life here in Baghdad. Many different people we knew, or knew through someone else, had been forced out of their homes to a different district.
Abu N was one of these people. Abu N is a simple, street-smart fifty-ish year old Sunni man who drives my husband to work and does random errands for us. He's been a part of our lives for the past couple of years. One day this summer when my husband was visiting us and his family in the States, he called Abu N to tell him of his arrival date in Baghdad. Listening to the one-sided conversation, I could tell that something had gone wrong in Abu N's life.
Abu N used to live not too far from us in the A'amil district, a district with a mixed Sunni/Shiite population. One day, Abu N's brother in law's house (about five houses down from his own) was attacked with grenades and gunfire. The next day, his next door neighbor, also a Sunni, received a threat to move out or face deathly consequences. Abu N's Shiite neighbors came to him, his brother in law and his next door neighbor (the only Sunni families in the direct area) and told them that it was best for them to move out of the area, because they could do nothing to protect them.
Abu N, who had been living in his house for more than thirteen years, had to pick himself and his family up and leave their house immediately. It was either that or face an almost certain attack, and possible death from these 'unknown' forces. On such short notice, he moved his family out to a house near his brother's house in a town called Hilla, about 90 kilometers from Baghdad. He's still working with my husband, but because he lives so far now, he leaves his family during the week in Hilla, and spends the nights in his parents' house in Baghdad. On the weekends, he makes the trip out to Hilla.
Abu N's story is the story of the changing landscape of Baghdad. He is not the first nor the last Iraqi forced out of his home in this developing sectarian cleansing that is occuring here. He's relatively lucky, getting off easily, having only lost his home, neighbors and stability. Others have lost so much more in this 'cleansing' war.

Eid Stories

2006-10-26T15:49:00.000-05:00

We had a nice change of pace during the past three days of Eid here in Baghdad, even though there's not much to do outside the house. It was mostly a time to gather up with family over a nice quzi dinner, and to see people we haven't been able to see during Ramadan because of the short days and the early self-imposed curfews. And of course to catch up on old news.
On the second day of Eid, we had my husband's maternal family gather at our house for a potluck Eid lunch/dinner. We usually hold this dinner at Aunt W's house at the outskirts of Adhamiya, but because of the security situation there, we decided to have it at our house.
Aunt W was telling us about how a car bomb that exploded right in front of their house shattered all the windows in her house about ten days ago, and destroyed her doors. Her 19 year old son was taking pictures of the damage done with his cell phone, and then decided to go up to their roof to take a picture of the car skeleton. Iraqi army officers saw him and stormed the house, to arrest him. They were afraid that he was trying to get their location on film for a possible attack against them (he had no such plans in mind). They tried to get him to admit right then and there that he was a part of the insurgency.
His poor mother went crazy. She was telling me how she screamed at the officer and told him, "I won't let you take him. You'll kill him. Do you have a mother? What would she do if you were taken from her?" He told her, "I promise I'll bring him back to you." She pleaded and pleaded, but the officer had to take him in.
Thankfully, an hour or so later, the kid was let out, without any harm done. The officers actually apologized to him and his mother, told her they made sure to bring him back safely because they felt sorry for her.

Another aunt was telling us that her house in Amiriya was searched at 1 am the night before Eid by American soldiers looking for certain names in the area. Her story will follow in a coming post- the Sunni aunt married to a Shiite husband, living in now Sunni-only Amiriya.

Sign of the Times

2006-10-24T03:02:00.000-05:00

I saw this sign put up in a couple of different locations in Dakhiliya district. In honor of Ramadan and the situation here it reads, "The best fasting (you can perform) is to (abstain) from your brother's blood," ie. from killings and murder.
Traditionally, we learn that fasting in the month of Ramadan is to abstain from eating, drinking and spousal relations from sun-up to sun-down. Here in Iraq, another basic point has to be emphasized.